Lost And Deppressed

My son was living with his girlfriend for 5 years. One year of being engaged. Her dad passed away and set the wedding date off a few months. I adored this girl I could not be happier. They were married in febuary of 2010. Now in july I find out from my son she is thinking of keeping her madian name. I guess he was not to share this with me. I made the mistake of talking to her about this. Now his and my house has been a mess. My husban who had wanted a son to carry the name on is beyond mad. Oh did I mention he (my son ) is the only child I have. I have 3 step-daughters. My son's wife is telling us to except the fact that this is what they want or we loose our son. And she can not see why we would want to hurt him so. She has turn into Mr. Hyde!!!  I think she needs councling. But to say that would only put me into the dog house all the more. So lost and depressed, my son and I were very close; I have always tryed to have a good relationship with both him and her so this would not happen and now I am being black mailed so she can have what she wants. I am to fight her battles against my husband so she can reject our name. Why would anyone in there right mind would do this? It seems, what little I have talked to my son, or should I say if I read him right, this is not truley what he wants but he does not want to loose her. Life sucks! 10 years ago my husband had cancer, bad, they did not think he would make it. He did not die but don't that count too?

hazelnut1 hazelnut1
51-55, F
6 Responses Jul 23, 2010

Hello;<br />
You are entitled to your opinion, whatever that is. But, remember to fight the battles that are truely important to you. I believe that I have the right to my opinion, but my children also as adults have the right not to follow my advice if they choose not to do so.<br />
<br />
Make a list and decide if you want the name, or your son to be number one.<br />
<br />
A son is a son until he takes a wife,<br />
A daughter is a daughter for the rest of their life.<br />
<br />
Which really sucks if you are the mother of a son...but if we can learn to accept that we<br />
would do much better.<br />
<br />
We love our kids and all we ask is some respect. Which after reading most of the posts none<br />
of us are getting respect we deserve.<br />
<br />
What really is the most important thing, to win every battle or be a part of your son's life.<br />
<br />
You should know where you draw the line. For example, my son will not pay his childsupport and that is where I draw the line. I can not understand how he does not realize the importance of this.<br />
<br />
So no matter how bad life looks, someone elses view is always worse.<br />
<br />
Prayers to you - Sincerely

Hey there...<br />
I just read your post and I just thought I should let you know, I am working on a new documentary style TV show about families dealing with the types of issues you describe here. It will be airing on a major cable network this coming Spring/Summer. ba<x>sed on what you've written I think your family could really benefit from participating. It's a really positive show that aims to bring families closer together! I would love hear more about what your dealing with and tell you more about this new series. <br />
Please feel free to get in touch with me directly,<br />
<br />
Amy<br />
amy.cummings@leftfieldpictures.com <br />
212 564 2607 ex: 2339

This is their decision to make and really it's none of your business what they decide. To come here and say she hates you because she wants to keep her maiden name is ridiculous. Did she say it was personal or are you just taking it that way because she is not doing as you wish?<br />
<br />
You've said your peace, which you had no right to do, so now it's time to butt out and let them live THEIR lives. Continuing this, especially over something so petty, is going to accomplish nothing more than pushing her and your son away from you and cause you more problems in the future.

But the name is still only a name, you are still flesh and blood and he would not be excluded from your family tree just because he has another name, right? Anyway, it's not your desition to make since they are grown ups and married they are their own family now. And if you want to be a part of it you better accept that they can go their own way. Think of it, is it better to loose the relationship to your son just because you don't accept his desitions and choices?

Yes I would but this is not my choice its my husbands and he dont give. He says its his family name that is at stake. This is the only son he has and not may others in the family to carry on the name.

Why is the name so important, he is still your son, right? Stupid traditions and expectations, let them go their own way, they are grown ups i suppose?