My Future Daughter In Law

My son and his fiance have been together since Jr high. They just presently got engage and her mother and I went with. them to look at a couple of venues. One the way, her mother mention that she was going to soon be Mrs. Blabla (not using our last name) and. She turned around with such in her distain voice and announced that she was not going to take our last name because she doesn't like it and, that hyphenating it is not going to happen. My first reaction was surprise but not wanting to ruin the rest of the day, I kept my mouth shut. I felt insulted and disrespected not only for me but my son. I realize that it is their business but the knife cut deep. This is not the only time she has not used the best judgement, but that is another whole story. She is going to be in the family and really I do not want to make waves but our family is just not going to understand.

Any suggestions?
An Ep User An EP User
5 Responses Jan 23, 2013

Like you said - not any of your business...let it go.

Hey, the most important part is that she loves your son and they have a happy life together. A name is totally not important in that equation. Of greater concern might be the amount of anger that she seems to have exhibited towards a simple statement, and your concern about her lack of judgment. Keep an eye out!

My suggestion to you is to have a long talk to your son because my DIL started out the same way calling all the shots... And now after going out for 6 yrs and married for two its worse than ever... She def wears the pants in the family.... I once read a saying.. From a mother to her son.. It says "SON BE CAREFUL CHOOSING YOUR WIFE BECAUSE SHE WILL BE THE GATEKEEPER TO WETHER OR NOT I CAN SEE YOU OR MY GRANDCHILDREN"

What a rude way for her to respond. They do like to get upset, don't they? (It's not hard to change your name on cards and such you're married.) I wonder how these women think you can follow a lineage if you change your name this way and that? What's wrong with it? Power.

Your first reaction was right, it's not your business. Your future DIL and son had probably already talked about this, and her mom mentioning it on an assumption that she'd change her name is probably what upset her. She has every right to keep her current name. I was married once, was originally going to hyphenate and realized what a pain that was. Then I made my maiden name my middle, and took his last name (and my ex also took my maiden name as his new middle name, in fairness so I wasn't the only one changing). Of course, the name on my school degrees (h.s., undergrad and law school) then did not match my married name, so that is a little aggravating, and you have to re-acquaint yourself as this new name with EVERYONE. You have to change your license, credit cards, social security, passport, etc. These are different times and the old conventions that worked when women were mostly property and/or did not work outside the home were fine, and some people like to uphold the tradition, but you should respect if your DIL does not want to. It sounds like your son does, and that is laudable. Since they've been together since jr. high and this is the first 'issue' you raise, I'm assuming she's otherwise a great girl. Be happy for them.