User And Abuser The Daughter In Law The Devil Sent

ou know you have a happy family unit - you are nice people then your son marries the last person on the face of the planet you would have chosen in a million years. However you try you put on a brave face.This someone then systematically uses you and uses you and you say nothing because last time you did there was no contact for almost 2 years and it wasnt even you who said it. Only when you had a major op did contact resume. Since then its like treading on egg shells. You desperately want to not lose your son but the pressure and anger build. So you just wear it. It affects the whole family and in the end you just feel like you want to walk away from everything = your marriage AND your whole family that your worked on loved and nearly killed yourself with angst for years. You think but then the son you brought up and loved will be lost to you. But you think is at worth it - I am beginning to think - no its not after all life is short and what the point of crucifiying yourself for a selfish worthless person who doesnt give a damn. A person who has destroyed your trust and love and hope - we make our own way and soon I will be making mine.
Cassiopie Cassiopie
66-70
5 Responses Sep 15, 2012

My son refused to marry mandi she would rarely say anything nice about him. He stayed for the kids. She got pregnant to trap him never worked wouldn't take kids to school when he was out of town,drug user and now my son is dead and she complains about him still. The oldest boy 9 says to her face he wishes she died instead of his dad.. Blames her for his father's death.. And now she keeps kids away from our side of the family.. User and a divider she is but it will come back on her

I feel very much the same way as you do. I had no idea that when my son chose a wife that it would alter what it means to be a "family" so much. In my case it is about "her family", all from Poland, so they don't even speak the same language as ours. I recently had a heart attack and it is seen as me "trying to get sympathy" somehow. Oh sure, I want their pity? And so much so that I would, even if it were possible, have a heart attack? They are whacked. I tried to stay out of their lives to let them adjust to married life, plus she had a dying father. But now they have a child, my grand daughter, which I'm afraid to even discuss with my friends who are becoming grandparents now too. It's so humiliating and painful. I don't get it at all. I feel for you, because it is such a travesty. I'm glad that I found this site though, and to realize I'm not alone. Most of my extended family (the ones who knew how to have fun with family things) are all deceased, so I'd hoped to have more to look forward to when my sons married. No such luck! Is it the fact that we all have sons? Hugs!

I understand exactly . The same thing has happened to us. For ten years our DIL has slowly been putty the squeeze on us. Always looking for the most outlandish excuses to brake with us. Our visiting our Grand Kids has gone from twice a month to not seeing at all. We are going to wait a little longer and then we will change our wills and cut them out completely. Its going to cost her millions.

I'm so sorry for you're situation. I understand how hurtful this is. Your discription of you angst is right on. You worked all your life to do the best for your son and in an instant, none of that matters anymore.

From my own experience, I've discovered, sadly, the details don't matter, you will always be the outsider because your DIL wants it that way. What you say and/or do will not make a bit of difference, because everything she says is simply a smokescreen, in an attempt to present a logical reason why you shouldn't be allowed to be a part of your son's family. Your only choice is to play the game or not. This pathetic DIL, is so insecure and narcissistic, she will never change. Sadly she doesn't understand that "joy" is best when shared. I suspect her FOO has enabled her behavior, consquently, allowing her reason to believe, her actions are perfectly justified. Not having the same control over you as she does her own family is very threatening.

You have my deepest sympathy, as you have lost a son you were once close to. I share your loss. Unless your son is wise enough to see through his wife's behavior, you will always be treated like a second class citizen, we have a choice, play by her rules or not at all. It sounds like you already know this and have decided to get on with your life. I hope at some point your son will realize what he has sacrificed. My best to you.

you're right he is a selfish, worthless person....I hope you do break away..I'm living the same hell and trying to do the same....good luck!