Failing My Daughter

My little girl was born in 1992, I was the first person to hold her, bath her and change her nappy. She was gorgeous. Her mum had issues about motherhood and was kind of cold towards her so I sort of became her mum and dad. Shes a very sensitive kid and she loved hugs n kisses and I got really attached to her because were so similiar natured plus she was my first kid and only daughter.

When she was 1 her mum ran away with a guy and took her away while I was at work. I didnt see her or know where she was for about 3 months. I think people maybe dont consider fathers care that much or as much as mums but I cried every night for her, it was like someone ripped out my heart.

Eventually her mum contacted me and I got to see her again every two weeks which was great.

I had gotten a job as a teacher and bought a new car on loan. My daughter was about 4 years old and one day she rang me up crying that her mum was going to take her away. I spoke to her mum and she told me it was true, but that she would stay if I gave her my car. I couldnt because it was encumbered and I needed it for work so she took my daughter. But I still got to see her every school holidays when she flew down.

When my daughter was 11 she came down to see me as usual and told my mum that her mums boyfriend was coming into her room at night and putting his hand up her top. I called the police and refused to send her home. She didnt want to go either.

The police believed it but the judges and courts were not very helpful and despite a recommendation from child experts that my daughter not be returned they ordered me to return her.

I took my daughter and ran away and hid her but they found her and even though she didnt want to go they threatened to have the police forcibly take her. I gave up and let them take her back to be molested.

After she went the guy and her mum repeatedly rang me and taunted me, threatening to rape me and other sick stuff. I had plans to go there and kill him but I did nothing. I couldnt protect her. I wasnt able to do anything but be ashamed.

I havent seen her since then, I talk to her sometimes, it took me about 3 years to find her, and shes my facebook friend but I dont have the courage to go and see her or even to talk on the phone to her. I dont know why but I assume its because of what happened and a fear if opening old wounds and failures.

Thats my story.
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3 Responses Sep 23, 2012

am so sorry,,, thats so much an ongoing pain!
its really hard experience, but eventually u'll contact her, get more close to her, cuz this is whats deep inside u, u'll just do it at the time when u can.

I'm so very sorry (((HUGS)))I think you should try talking to her more. You can't tell her what to do at this point...But you can still love her just as she might want to work towards the point where you talk about the past, and...I dunno, ask your girl for forgiveness. <br />
Admittedly, it doesn't seem like you'd really need forgiveness.<br />
You did the best you could to keep her safe, you really did. Forces beyond your control caused your best efforts to fail. The system failed the two of you. You evil ex caused you to fail. <br />
She also failed your daughter abysmally...but I would not say that to the kid.<br />
<br />
Tell your child that you love her and are sorry for everything that you were unable to prevent. And that you always will love her and miss her, no matter what.

It sounds like you are working in the right direction, if she is 19 now, she needs to come to see you and stay with you for sure!!! You could give her much love that she has not received since she left you my friend!!!! Go for it!!!!!! Good luck to you my friend!!!!! :)