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Here Goes Nothing....

My name is Melissa...im 19 i have two children a daughter that is 22 months and a son that is 10 months yea i kno i didnt waste any time but anyways their father Anthony i have stood by for 5 years he has my two and 2 (the same age as mine) with another woman..he has been going back and forth between me and her for 3 years. He has cheated on me countless times and beat me twice n i kno im stupid cuz ive taken him back everytime mainly because i thought i owed it to my kids to make it work with him but seeing their faces when we fought this last time woke me up...now that i have ended it completely he wont see my kids. He doesnt have a job n whenever he does get money he spends it on weed he has warrants out for not paying childsupport but even when i tell the police where he is they dont do anything to catch him. Its bad when your kids father lives in the same town n when they see their father he ignores them it hurts cuz this was the man i trusted would change n act right n this was the man who fathered the children who he cant spend time with. I dont know what to do i mean what do you tell your daughter when she asks where daddy is and how do you calm your son down when he stays up crying dada everynight...i kno theyre young and theyll soon get over it but that doesnt help right now....
missay1808 missay1808 18-21, F 5 Responses Jul 24, 2011

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I am so glad to hear that you are contacting a psychologist. I recommend one who is in their 40's or 50's because they are well-seasoned and wise. And remember, if there is something you don't want to share with him/her due to shame, that's the thing you probably need to share the most. :)

Oh most definitely frustrating. My exhusband did pretty much the same thing. He up and moved when my daughter was 10 and they didn't have contact for over 12 yrs or so when his mother (my daughters grandma) was dying he came to town. He acted like he was my daughters "friend". She pretty much told him that Mom's a superstar, referring to me, and Dad's a deadbeat, refering to him. I felt sad that it happened his way. She's the one hurt. She is now 26 and in counseling this past year. I had my kids and myself in counseling on and off through all their growing up years. It was a great tool and helped us immensely. I also attended AA since I was a recovering alcoholic/addict. I'm still in recovery. It's been many years since I've fallen into that ugly lifestyle. <br />
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The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is grow. Work on you. It's a job. Have free time too, of course, but be in a 12-Step Program and/or see a psychologist for a long time (several years). It will change your life for the better and your children's lives. You were in a bad relationship with this man and you need to learn a new way of life so you don't fall back into the same cycle. Help is out there. Go get it! ...Hug.

Thank u i am calling a psychologist as soon as the office opens i kno i need help cuz i dont want to fall for the same lies ive been told so many times i kno this is the best decision for me and more impotantly my children.

If he isn't willing to be a father...shame him...if he has a facebook page post the deadbeat vent..make a poster and paste all over your town..and most of all...don't look back...he is incapable of giving you what you want or need....many strong single women raise strong children....keep in mind though, no matter how bad of a father/partner he is...try not to let your children hear you say it...kids need to feel that they are loved and are secure and safe...good luck to you....namaste

Thank yall for the advice it means alot to get this out in the open and i kno not to talk bad about him to the kids they think the world of him but its just really hard ive been the only one taking care of my kids financially since day one and he gets off with nothing...i just dont understand how someone could create lives and not want to see them grow and take care of them...its just so frustrating..

Well Sweetie, take my advice. I've been to hell and back and learned the hard way. I try to reach you young ladies to teach you what I've learned so you don't linger in the dysfunction one more day. Alanon, Alanon, Alanon!!!

These are very serious issues. I would recommend that you see a psychologist, whom is much more qualified than a therapist and ask him/her what to tell your children at this young age. You only need one appt to accomplish this but if you could swing it, go to counseling as long as you can afford it. <br />
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You have many issues going on. First, I want to say, "Good for you," for getting out of this relationship. It is imperative that you don't go back to him. You will be tempted many times and with your history of 3 years on and off, you are at risk of getting back with him so stay strong.<br />
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I also suggest that you go to Alanon. They are a 12-Step program for persons who have a relationship with another with a substance abuse disorder. Alanon is free and meetings are all over every town in America. You should go to at least 3 meetings a week. I would say more meetings but you have 2 little ones and it will be enough of a commitment to go to 3 mtgs. <br />
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I'm so sorry for your children to have to go through this but it's better for them if they go through it now than later. Stick to your decision and get long-term help. You deserve a man who will be committed to you and the kids, who has a career, and a healthy value system.<br />
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Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," Says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."

Thank u it means alot that someone actually read this i jus needed to vent out my frustrations and i seen this site had other women going through the same situations. N i think i will get some help cuz i kno im at risk getting back with him cuz i kno in my heart hes still there but im going to try my hardest not to give in. I really appreciate your advice.