Not Fair

My son's father was a coworker. That was my first mistake. When He started at the company I was in a long term relationship and he was married. We became friends. I loved my boyfriend. We were together for 4 years.  I left him because he wasan  addict and had no interest in getting better. My son's father was always talking about leaving his wife to other coworkers before we became friends. I befriended him even before I left the love of my lfe. I'll call my son's father Chris. Chris was someone different to talk to. I didn't intentionally go after him. For me it was entertainment. Then he left his wife. At that time he said it didn't have anything to do with me, but when I left him he threw it in my face that I knew it would happen. We started dating in February, I became pregnant in April. Over a year before that I was told I would need help conceiving. I lost a daughter in 2004. I had accepted the fact I would never become a mother. My son was born in 2011. The best day of my life. I broke up with him June. I received emails for 2 months either begging me back or professing his hate for me. He harrassed me at work, it go so bad I had to finally to tell someone to get him to leave me alone. The things he said to me led me to extremely dislike him. I let him go to  one of the ultrasounds. He wanted to be there when the baby was born, but I was uncomfortable wih that. Chris came to the house the day I brought the baby home. Before he was born we fought over his last name. I gave him my maiden name. He argued that it would alienate him from his older brothers and his side of the family. I didn't want to give my son a man's name who was still married to someone else and lied about a divorce. Anyway, the day he saw my son for the first time, he brought PREMIE size diapers. My son weighed almost 9 lbs! He would come see the baby once a week for an hour. Then every other week.  Then once a month. He brought his other kids over once to see the baby. Chris hasn't see him since he was 4 months old. He'll be 1 in january. I've talked to his wife. She claimed she doesn't blame me.. There's a lot more to the story.. apparenty he was lying to the both us. Playing both of us. In the end she claims that he doesn't want anything to do with "that ugly block headed kid". That he says he doesn't have a connection with him like their kids. That I lied to trap him. I was the one who left him. The only thing I regret about the whole situation is that my son is growing up without a father.
fatescandle fatescandle
26-30, F
Dec 20, 2011