It Means..

  To mean it means actually having sex with the other person, or leading up to the point of having sex. Once you've had sex then in my opinion the relationship should be over-what's the point of going on when he/she's told you basically how they felt about you by cheating on you!

lostprophet lostprophet
22-25, F
8 Responses Mar 5, 2009

I think the cheating doesn't really begin until the first physical interaction that also includes being disrespectful of the other partners feelings. <br />
If it is a situation where nobody is looking to cheat but a relationship evolves into a close friendship just naturally, but the potential cheaters do not want to actually hurt their partner. I don't think all cheating happens just because men or women are self centered, there are many instances where a chemical reaction takes place unexpectedly. I'm not condoning taking any actions on those feelings, but I don't know if repressing the feelings are going to help any of the parties. I've heard of people staying in a marriage because they didn't want to hurt their partner or the kids or families, but they lived a sad life themselves, ..so what's better?

I'll back up KFC that 99% of the time people cheat, it's because something is missing in the primary relationship. I believe that in a vast majority of those times, the reason it doesn't exist is because it is something that nobody could ever actually achieve, or something that the person didn't realize that they couldn't live without when they went into the relationship.<br />
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Culturally, we have a lot of misconceptions about how relationships work. Some of us think that sex is all there is to love. Some of us think that sex is all that matters in a marriage, and some of us think that sex is completely unimportant (unless a third person is involved). We try to mold our relationship into the image we form in our mind. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way in real life.<br />
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I'll say it again, though. Cheating is anything that breaches the marital agreement. If you draw the line at intercourse, then intercourse is cheating. I'm sure that for most of us there are other forms of cheating that are not covered in that definition.<br />
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Does cheating mean that the relationship is over? If you think so, then it definitely does. In truth, though, for most of us it means that the relationship really ended well before then (or maybe was only an illusion in the first place). The actual act is just the latest and most obvious symptom. In some cases you can trace back ***-for-tat and reconstruct the collapse of the relationship over time, but usually there's nothing that can be done about it by then anyway.<br />
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Does this mean that the two people can no longer have a relationship? Certainly not. In fact, they will almost invariably have some kind of relationship, even if its the "sending each other hate mail and using lawyers to fight over the children" kind of relationship that tradition tells us is required at that point. Being intelligent entities, though, we are still allowed to chose for ourselves.

I think sometimes people are pushed (please read some of our stories on the I live in a sexless marriage forum). I know in my own case I remained loving and faithful to my husband for 11.5, but the emptiness, rejection and hurt made me weak. Admittedly, I do NOT condone cheating, No one deserves to be cheated on, but I think we are only human. Being held and touched is important and when a spouse withholds that, it can cause severe damage to a marriage. A great book to read is When Good People Have Affairs.<br />
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Most of the time 99% of the time affairs happen because something is missing in the primary relationship. <br />
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It's not fair to say that a person doesn't love because they cheat. <br />
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Just my humble experience and opninion.<br />
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KFC

Cheating is doing anything that violates the relationship. If you want to draw the line at intercourse, that's a reasonable place to put it. I don't think that my ex wife ever actually had intercourse with anyone, but she certainly convinced plenty of my social group that she was looking for the opportunity, and that was enough for me.

Okay- if you TRULY love your mate why should mistakes be happening? The only person that should be on your mind should be your..SPOUSE? right? But I totally see where you're coming from! Thanks for the comment hun!

This is a hard one. What if the spouse truly made a mistake - and loves their mate?? I think the definition is up to the spouses only. Some people believe if you lust after someone in your heart, look at them and think what it would be like to kiss them -then you have already cheated. There are other ways to cheat - like emotional affairs - besides intercourse. Just thoughts to ponder .... :)

:)

I agree.