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I Have a Depressed Husband

Having a depressed partner isn't fun.  You can't make them get help for it.  I made my husband take an online quiz about depression by himself and he scored Depressed! He went to the doctor and was put on some medication which I could see such a big and Improved change in his attitude and everything else. He said he didn't feel any different. He stopped taking the meds.  I live with Chronic Pain every day and to have him depressed and being negative to me and everything the doctors want to do to me, I can't take much more.  He is smothering me.    He is the one who has to admit he's depressed and he is the one that has to take the first step.  I tried.  I guess he likes living in turmoil.  I don't.

PJonmeds PJonmeds 41-45, F 5 Responses Mar 25, 2008

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Reading this really makes me think about my own relationship. My boyfriend of two years acts the same. He loves me dearly, but due to his own depression, it puts our relationship between a rock and a hard place. He too has taken meds, got better, and then decided because he was better he didn't need them anymore. <br />
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I agree with annetastic, you can't be a martyr. I'm starting to realize I can't be one either. He needs to realize that if he doesn't become more mature and take care of his ailments on his own, that it could indeed result in him losing you.

He read my note before going to work, came home said "I'm sorry" and blew me off. It was more important to go ride 4 wheelers than take his wife seriously and sit down and talk about our problems. That was 2 days ago and he still has not put me first on his priority list. I guess I know where I stand.<br />
oh, he said he doesn't want a divorce! The way he is acting sure goes against what he says! HEAD GAMES I HATE THEM!!!

Oh man, that's rough. Does he give you a reason for not helping you out with this? <br />
Well, I guess if you guys aren't talking, he probably hasn't.<br />
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Do you think that you can ask him for a set time in which you can discuss all of the things that you need from him? I mean, yes, he is depressed, but he does need to hear from you as well. He can't expect you to be a martyr. That's just not fair!

Since writing that, My marriage is in the NO Talking stage. Because of my back problems, I had to go and pick a mattress that I could sleep on but now, he won't get out of the bedroom and sleep in the guest room ( that is where the rock hard mattress he picked out is) I stay up until 5 AM when get gets ready to leave for work. Don't know how long I will be able to do this.....

Oh man, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I can empathize with you to a degree. It's hard to give support and not receive any in return.<br />
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I hope that we can help you with that, but I know how hard it is when you want it from one person in particular, but can not get it.