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Trying to Be Supportive

My boyfriend lost his business a year ago and for the most part has spent the time sleeping all day, or going days without sleeping.  He got a job briefly last summer, but left because his boss was an a-hole and he wasn't used to even having a boss.  I approved because he was bar tending at a pretty shady place and I was scared for his safety.

Anyway, because he is not working, I find myself paying for almost everything.  He gets a check at the beginning of the month for the sale of his bar, but it pretty much only covers rent.  We can't afford to go out all too often, and even if we can, he doesn't want to do anything but watch tv.

I feel as though I am working so hard to make things a bit more comfortable for us, and he says that he appreciates it, but he doesn't know how to show it.  I will hint that I'd like a "thank you" instead of "cool" but that puts him on the defense and I end up having to hear all of the mistakes that I have made in the past.  It's horrible!  I want to help him, but I need to feel appreciated.

How do you ask for appreciation without making someone feel bad?  I understand that he thinks worse of himself than I think of him and this is why  he gets defensive, but I would really like to find a balance.

I don't know that there is one.  Not yet anyway.

annetastic annetastic 36-40, F 2 Responses Mar 25, 2008

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That is absolutely true. He does deflect things onto me so he doesn't have to face it himself. Knowing that does help some, but it is still a drag.



After a long conversation with him, he has been making more of an effort to get out of bed and get back to working again, so I am crossing my fingers.



I want this for myself as much as I do for him. This may be selfish, but a person has to be selfish in order to survive once in awhile.

he get that way because if he truns it back around on u he does not have to see what he is doing wrong its all your fault and he doin have to deal with it happening to me also im not just sayin it because im right and better i have no ideal what to do ether if u want to talk im here it makin me mad and inseure in our relationship