Need Some Support And Advice

First off, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. He lives in Canada and I live in the states, so yes, we have a long distance relationship and up until now, it has been no problem for us. We don't get to see each other often but we usually skype every night for at least a few hours.

At the end of June, my boyfriend's uncle passed away in a totally unexpected car accident. Only a week later, his younger sister came to visit him and he had to put a smile on and just pretend everything was okay so he never really got a chance to properly grieve. About 2 weeks later, he found out that his friend from home had committed suicide. He has been seeing a therapist now for about 2 or 3 months and he and I have not skyped in 3 months. I get a text every once in a while. I am trying hard to just be patient but it is difficult when I literally cannot do anything to help. And I understand that it's not my battle to fight-it's his.

He is usually a happy, very outgoing person and now he's totally different. I am just trying to ride things out as I know that's all I can do right now but I am so afraid that our relationship is going to end because of all of this. I know, I probably sound selfish and I should be focusing on him but it's impossible when he doesn't respond to my messages or doesn't want to talk to me. I'm trying not to take things personally because I know the way he's acting are just symptoms of depression. Does anyone have any advice? I just need to know that I'm not the only one going through this.

Thank you all.
bostongirl101 bostongirl101
18-21, F
1 Response Oct 9, 2012

I have pretty much the same situation but I am just in the beginning stages. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months and he lives in the States while I live in Canada. We have never had a problem we see each other every other week depending on weather (snow in Canada lol) and other stuff we have going on.

After taking a year off school he went back to a masters program that was so intense it was crazy. He also had a project he was working on himself so that was causing added stress along with part of his family telling him to basically get it together.

About a month ago I started to notice that we were fighting more and he was very distant. I use to get good morning beautiful texts and they all of the sudden just stopped. I am VERY self conscious and no matter how many times someone tells me they like me the way I am I don't believe them. So obviously I thought I had done something wrong. I asked him about it and we almost broke up. After reaching an agreement about what we both expect from the relationship everything seemed fine.
Everything except for the fact that he is still very distant.

A week ago he told me that he was dropping out of his program to work on his other project. As much as I thought it was the wrong decision I supported him completely and asked if there was anything I could do. Being a man he said no.

Last night I got a text that absolutely tore my heart right to pieces. He told me he was having a lot of troubles emotionally and he's going to start seeing someone about it. He also told me that his mother wanted to call me and explain what was happening and ask me to hold on. As much as I knew this was coming and as happy as I was to see he was finally getting help, somehow seeing it in writing really scared me and made it so real.

I didn't want to talk to his mom (I'm not good with words) and I knew how he felt (I was in the same position about 2 years ago and it had a lot to do with my ex dumping me). I sent his mom a text explaining that I love her son (I haven't even said the "l" word to him yet!!) and that I would be there for him in the good times and bad. I was expecting a nice text back letting me know we were on the same side but instead I pretty much got a warning text telling me not to make it worse.

I don't know what to do because I want to be there for him but I also want to give him space. I also want to get back on his moms good side because I know he is going to need both of us to get through this and I love his family dearly.

I hope you can help:)