This Is Hard.

My long distance boyfriend of 2 1/2 years is depressed, I guess he always was but it got bad on aug 18th. We hardly talk or skype and when we do it's never long. He says it's hard and stressful and he feels stressed thinking about what I expect from him or some bullshit.

I just miss him and I can't fix him. And I try to be there and act okay with the 5 minute conversation I get once or twice a day but I always start to cry and I so bad want him to reassure me like he used to. But, he just sits there.

He has no emotion in his voice anymore. Used to I could hear the love. Our last visit was amazing. He's always been so sweet. And I keep thinkin back to last time he was here and how sweet and loving he was.



I can't imagine what he's going through. I've tried reading up on it but me emotions wont shut off. I want him to hold me. He was supposed to be here for Christmas and that isn't going to happen now. So not only do I get another Christmas alone but probably barely talking to him too. It kills me.

I'm not going to leave him, I don't need advice on what anyone thinks I should do unless it has to do with me staying with him and what I can do for him me and/or us.



I feel so abnormal now. I feel unloved and unwanted. He doesn't want to break up because he says he'll get better and we can have a normal relationship again. But, when is that?



I'm mad at him and so hurt. And he has no idea how hard this is for me or what I'm going through. I keep telling myself it must be worse on him and I know I aint makin it easier always crying and wanting reassurance.



I just don't know what to do. I want the guy I fell inlove with, I want the sweet man who could make the world seem better by saying he loves me.



I feel like I'm grieving the death of someone. Except he's on the earth, he's here I just can't be with him or talk with him or love on him and I sure don't get much love from him. He says he's doing the best he can and I'm sure he is but I miss him.



He hardly eats maybe 1 meal every 2 or so days, he drinks boost. He started lexapro like 3 weeks ago. And he's on a waiting list for a therapist for almost 2 months- he's in Canada. I just want him back. I don't know what to do for me him or us. I try to not think about it but it's all I think about. I'm constantly reading about depression and how I can do nothing but be patient. I constantly cry. We just had so many plans but EVERYTHING is put on hold now and we've already been apart over 2 years. I just with I could hold him and just touch him just be there. But, I can't. I can't do anything. I have to stop crying and pull myself together for him, but I don't know how. The tears keep comingl. Sorry about the typo's I miss him. I'm not going to leave him I just needed to get it out. Cause it seems like no one understands how hard this is on me- especially him. He thinks he's just got the worst if it all. But, I can't say I'm so sure. It's pretty horrible for me too.



I can't help, I can't make it better I just have to sit, miss him and hurt so bad and watch him suffer. I HATE THIS.



sorry it's so long, I don't know what to do so I figured saying it- er typing it may help. If any of you pray please keep him in your prayers. His name is James.