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This Is Hard.

My long distance boyfriend of 2 1/2 years is depressed, I guess he always was but it got bad on aug 18th. We hardly talk or skype and when we do it's never long. He says it's hard and stressful and he feels stressed thinking about what I expect from him or some bullshit.

I just miss him and I can't fix him. And I try to be there and act okay with the 5 minute conversation I get once or twice a day but I always start to cry and I so bad want him to reassure me like he used to. But, he just sits there.

He has no emotion in his voice anymore. Used to I could hear the love. Our last visit was amazing. He's always been so sweet. And I keep thinkin back to last time he was here and how sweet and loving he was.



I can't imagine what he's going through. I've tried reading up on it but me emotions wont shut off. I want him to hold me. He was supposed to be here for Christmas and that isn't going to happen now. So not only do I get another Christmas alone but probably barely talking to him too. It kills me.

I'm not going to leave him, I don't need advice on what anyone thinks I should do unless it has to do with me staying with him and what I can do for him me and/or us.



I feel so abnormal now. I feel unloved and unwanted. He doesn't want to break up because he says he'll get better and we can have a normal relationship again. But, when is that?



I'm mad at him and so hurt. And he has no idea how hard this is for me or what I'm going through. I keep telling myself it must be worse on him and I know I aint makin it easier always crying and wanting reassurance.



I just don't know what to do. I want the guy I fell inlove with, I want the sweet man who could make the world seem better by saying he loves me.



I feel like I'm grieving the death of someone. Except he's on the earth, he's here I just can't be with him or talk with him or love on him and I sure don't get much love from him. He says he's doing the best he can and I'm sure he is but I miss him.



He hardly eats maybe 1 meal every 2 or so days, he drinks boost. He started lexapro like 3 weeks ago. And he's on a waiting list for a therapist for almost 2 months- he's in Canada. I just want him back. I don't know what to do for me him or us. I try to not think about it but it's all I think about. I'm constantly reading about depression and how I can do nothing but be patient. I constantly cry. We just had so many plans but EVERYTHING is put on hold now and we've already been apart over 2 years. I just with I could hold him and just touch him just be there. But, I can't. I can't do anything. I have to stop crying and pull myself together for him, but I don't know how. The tears keep comingl. Sorry about the typo's I miss him. I'm not going to leave him I just needed to get it out. Cause it seems like no one understands how hard this is on me- especially him. He thinks he's just got the worst if it all. But, I can't say I'm so sure. It's pretty horrible for me too.



I can't help, I can't make it better I just have to sit, miss him and hurt so bad and watch him suffer. I HATE THIS.



sorry it's so long, I don't know what to do so I figured saying it- er typing it may help. If any of you pray please keep him in your prayers. His name is James.
HurtingInTx HurtingInTx 26-30 2 Responses Nov 8, 2012

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I'm going through the same exact thing. How are things now? Better? My boyfriend is depressed too. I know exactly what you mean when you say that you feel like you're grieving the death of someone... it's like they're just an empty version of the person that they used to be. The person that we fell in love with in the beginning. Idont know what to do and I can't stop crying either...

Things are the same, maybe even worse. 5 months on the 18th of this month. It hurts the same no actually more. My 2 friends going through the same thing one's guy- she's not even sure they are still together or not. He basically ignores the poor girl. But did call her for Christmas and made her happy. The other I met on a forum for depression and families dealing with it. Her boyfriend hasn't talked to her for a long time either. Well, he technically ended it. The first one has been dealing with this since May- hasn't seen him at all since May. The second hasn't seen hers since August. I talk to my boyfriend daily still maybe 30 minutes or an hour. I'm not sure which one is the less of the two evils- talking daily and being reminded and torturing yourself. Or being completely pushed away. I met both girls online and we are all in long distance relationships so surely hopefully it's better for the ones who aren't.

Sorry to be a downer, but no none of us or our relationships are better in any way. Not yet. They crying gets easier, I cry a few times a week now. When I can't hold it in. But, I don't cry while trying to work anymore or in public places. Mostly just at home on bad days which is 2 or 3 times a week. And alot during "that special week of a womans life" lol. I miss him it hurts, it doesn't hurt less and it's not easier I just force myself to deal with it the best I can.

I'm sorry you are going through it and hurting to. I wish this on no one. The only advice I can say is stay upbeat, and take care of yourself and try to stay busy. Though, it's much easier said than done. I try and sometimes it works. May your ups be more than your downs.

amber

Oh also, I do want to note he's still waiting to talk to a professional and he quit taking meds for the time being- something about it bothering his stomach or something. He's lying to me about it so whatever. I guess I can see why he is kind of. So, basically he is getting no help so if your boyfriend is getting help I bet things will work out much better for you.

Wishing you the best in this difficult time.

Hey DonnyBoy sorry it took me so long to reply. I really appreciate you taking the time just to say something nice. It put a smile on my face. Thank you