Step Daughter Is Now Pregnant

 I have a 19 year old stepdaughter.  My DH was a single parent for 6 or so years before we began dating.  Looking back in those dating years, there was advice that I should just walk away because SD would make my life a living hell.  I thought I'd be strong enough to weather the bad behavior of a then 14 year old.  Wow, I was totally wrong about how helplessness feels. 

My three children have the same rules to live by (they live with us every other week), and the SD and my SS live with us full-time.  SD and SS see their mother on Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Mother is an alcoholic and drug abuser, currently living in a halfway house.

SD bounces between playing the aggreeable stepdaughter and the "I can do whatever I want" person. 

She was recently, at the age of 18 3/4 the option of respecting us and our rules or move out.  Given a week to make her decision, she chose to move in with a boy that she ran away to when she chose to "do what she wants".  December 19th, we were informed that she is pregnant.

DH and I knew it was just a matter of time, but not expecting it to be so soon. 

The worst is my brother-in-law, who is 40 and acts 13 spewed venom on Christmas at his parents house... once we left.  My DH and I have been trying to stop the blaming, and hateful words toward us, primarily me.  My DH's sister and her husband are helping to stop the bad-mouthing and I have been educating the family of some details that BIL has severely skewed.  BIL has evaded us and won't man up to his lies and gossip.  

My DH and I are looking for support for the SD because being a new parent is going to be difficult.  Even though the SD created all the lies to gain sympathy for her situation, she will ultimately fall back to us when time gets tough.  I just need to remain strong and help out the grandchild once it arrives sometime this summer.

thefrozentundra thefrozentundra
41-45, F
3 Responses Dec 30, 2009

We had my SD enrolled in a course, which she didn't do and cost us anyway. Instead she got pregnant and moved in with the father. That didn't work. She found another boyfriend, and that didn't work. By this time the child was 3. She turned up at our house six months ago with the child, a herroin addiction, heppatitis and crying, so we took them in. what else could we do. I sorted the illness and addiction with clinics etc. Now her health is good and the child is fine. But now she says she will never leave our home as she has everything she wants there and it doesn't even cost her a cent. She and the boy have taken over the entire house except my bedroom where I spend most of my time now. <br />
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Sometimes, our good intentions which we feel obligated to do, make a rod for our own back. Make sure boundaries are set, finances are discussed and actioned, and a long term plan is discussed BEFORE the baby arrives, or you will have two, not just one, forever. <br />
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I'm sorry if I seem negative, but I waited a long time to have my own "place" my very own sanctuary for all the stresses, and now I only have one bedroom. We work full time to keep our sanctuary while SD gets the advantages. It's a trap easily walked into. Beware.<br />
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Good Luck

Thank you for your reply... sorry for your pain and experiences.<br />
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My SD is still pregnant...due September 2nd. All the negative things we thought would happen are coming true. She had been telling her dad that she was enrolled and attending school, and on Sunday confessed that it was not true. She hit an ice chunk and broke the wheel bearing, so her car is not drivable. She is unemployed, no income, no car, no school to occupy her time. She has been having dreams about living here at the house, my DH believes they are her good time memories after all. She is on WIC, and applying for medical assistance and food stamps.<br />
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We are enjoying the peace and quiet, and the lack of drama since the holidays. We did resolve the gossip issues with my DH's family and everyone is getting along well.<br />
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Her due date is September 2nd. Yes, she told us about the pregnancy as soon as she missed her monthly friend. <br />
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I pray that God's will be done and everything works out fine, especially for the baby.

Ok I think I have wrote to every person not liking their SD...Well my SD got pregant twice and lost both of them. We paid for birth control, she won't take them, they make her stomach upset...Me and my spouse both said if she had a kid we would have to raise the child. This will be a make or break situation. I will NOT give up my life and I know he won't so who does that leave? No one.. Well I feel for you...Good luck ..Keep me posted