Yes, I Do, Too...

As many of the people here, I do not see myself as I am. I think everything started when I was 9 years old, when I was sexually abused. After that, I hated my body, because somehow that was an object of desire for someone, so I decided to shut down my feminine side by overeating and looking ugly on purpose. So, I was a fat teenager wearing loose guys' clothes who, very deeply, was in pain because I saw my friends being girlie and having boyfriends and manicures and wearing short skirts, and I thought that was fun, but never allowed myself to experience that and "put myself in danger" of being abused again.

My first boyfriend confessed he was gay...
I married my second boyfriend. He cheated on me repeatedly, but I stayed with him because I thought I was never going to find someone else so blind as to look at me and say I was pretty.

After 8 years of relationship, I had a baby. My stomach is now flabby and covered in ugly stretch marks. But I am no longer fat. Actually, I am quite the opposite: I am almost 5' 6" and my weight is 104lbs. I see myself in the mirror, and I still see an ugly being... the boobs are gone somewhere very far away, my stomach is flabby, I am a sac of bones without curves.

I divorced my husband a year ago, and found the perfect guy, sweet and understanding, super fit, younger and handsome... and I simply cannot believe he finds me attractive. He has many female friends that look like swimsuit models: beautiful, with awesome bodies and personality. Why is he with me, then? I can't understand :(

Ladies, we all have something in common. We cannot accept ourselves. Something is hurting inside, is blurring the way we see ourselves, impairs our understanding and don't let us breath.

I would like to find someone who's going through the same thing and wants to share her story more closely to try to find a solution. I'm tired and cannot do this alone...
Please feel free to send me a message if this sounds like a good idea to you.
shroob66 shroob66
36-40, F
2 Responses Feb 22, 2012

Thank you for the advice! <br />
Right now I'm also battling with clinical depression. Anti-depressant medication gives me awful side-effects, and I've lost even more weight (99lbs. and I have to buy my clothes in the kids section).<br />
I'm really fed up with this situation.<br />
I stopped taking the medication and I'm eating like a truck driver (eating healthy, and consciously when I feel hungry, which is often). I'll try drinking that glass of water... I've read before that is a great way to start your day. And I'm doing a little bit of yoga, too.<br />
I'll definitely keep you posted. Thanks, masalahw!!! :)

ust think positive,<br />
<br />
keep yourself active by doing something in your spare time.<br />
<br />
CUT THE SUGAR/SALT in the food you eat.<br />
order a salt free meal and add little before you eat.<br />
<br />
drink natural juices and avoid concentrates they are full of sugar.<br />
<br />
if you can afford buy from your drug store a detoxification treatment and it will clean your large intestine from bad acids they build up and clog the walls with bad feeling.<br />
<br />
try a simple habit drink a glass of water every morning before you brush your teeth...before you brush your teeth,<br />
<br />
let me know how you feel