im coming up to my regular check up where i get nicely reminded that im killing myself.


i have an agreement with my doctors. i tell them how much i binge and purge and stave, they make sure my sodium, potassium, and electrolyte levels are somewhere near normal, and that im not at risk of heart attack/major organ failure. most of the time it works. if theyre bad it shocks me into sorting myself out for a few days. if theyre ok i have piece of mind (it sound sstupid, you think i would just stop, but i cant. im getting there, and im working on it, but for now its not happening, so best to at least be safe with it?). except occasionally you get doctors who dont respect the situation; its generally accepted with these appointments that my mental health will not be discussed, and i will not be lectured, it will be soley about my physical health, and my mountain of therapists will work on the mental side......


but every now and again you get one who thinks her little comments about how im a lovely weight, and how i shoudlnt ruin my figure, and about how im killing myself, will actually make a difference. and i leave feeling like the bggest ******* idiot in the world.







and i like my blood. bloods ment to stay in the body. blood keeps me alive. it doesnt belong in their little test tubes threw their scary needles!

Tesse Tesse
18-21, F
7 Responses Feb 22, 2009

LOL I had not heard the term "ED" for eating disorders until coming to EP. For me, ED meant Environmental Disruption.<br />
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I wonder how many times we speak at cross purposes here, because of such.

mewold has another ED.... special

get a friend called Edward and you'll have three Eds!!!

You guys were talking about ED and I was thinking to myself, "How can a woman have erectile disfunction?" Then I realized that you were talking about eating disorders. You have really made my day. Now I realize that I have TWO kinds of ED!!!!!

Vinegar cravings are not uncommon, though i know of no link to potassium. Bananas have lots of potassium, but vinegar cravings are often related to low iron, or a diet poor in red meat.

i would hate to have anyone with an ED involved in that aspect of my recovery, especially if they were lecturing me!!! i used to have one who was really thin, and she would make comments about how i shouldnt want to look like her, and all i could think was 'nah, id like to be a couple of stone thinner actually......'<br />
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vinegar???? ive never had that before..... although my cravings are always completely odd..... i havent eaten because the only thing i want right now is croissants, i cant bring myself to have anything else, just them, and the shop is all out. poop!

nope!!!!! its meant to keep my alive!!!!!!!!!<br />
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and its definitely not meant for the hospital floors, like the last nurse who dropped the viles and it went everywhere!