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I was Raped

I cant look in the mirror anymore, i dont care how i look, dont care about my hair, i feel like i need to cover myself up... This is not the real me i dont know what has happend to her? The girl who always use to try to be positive and happy, make sure my hair was perfectly straight spending ages putting my blonde hair extentions in, the mini skirts and skimpy clothing, cover up in make up so i could look absolutely flawless. I dont give a fcuk anymore. That girl has been destroyed, voilated and hurt.

I was drinking saturday night with mates. I got a text from one of my mates who we were going 2 pick up he had already had plenty to drink by that stage and it was still quite early. Joking around i text him back " so wea iz my pis ay? ha" and he replied "Oh yea. What do i get in return?" playing along i told him we would hook up.... but was not prepared for what was going to come.

So we were starting to get a bit drunk, driving around to find a party. My mate hands me this pill, not sure what it is. Not really caring at all i open it and snort all the white powder out of the cap. I feel my nose burning. My mate is sitting there laughing his head off. Whats so funny? "you just wait" he sneers.

Im drinking more and more, about half a nights worth but it sure was not over yet. I open my bottle of wine and start skulling some more, the strong smell, uhh cat pis but its pis so all good. My mate looks at me "dont u owe me something?" I get close to him and give him a kiss. I go to move back but he pulls me close and puts his tounge deep in my mouth and i feel his hands all over my body. I was a bit suprized by this but since we were getting quite pissed by then i didnt resist. I drank the whole bottle. He said he was going to fcuk the shyt outta me.

Next minute i was outside walking down a gravel road. My heels kept slipping on the gravel and i kept collapsing to the ground. I hit the ground hard each time but i could not feel a thing. My mate helped me up, but no he was not helping at all. He took me into a bush and fcuked me. I kinda wanted to at first.... but not like this. He was slamming me really hard being really rough, I couldnt breathe and tryed to scream stop but the words couldnt come out. He asked to do anal and i said no. I would never do that its disgusting. But he stuck it in there anyway. I let out a scream. All i can remember was a long loud scream then everything was black. I must have passed out from the pain.

I woke up curled up in a ball on the couch. It was all a dream. Then i took the blanket off me. Still in the clothes from last night and covered in dirt. It was not a dream! I got up, I was scared and ran to the bathroom. What had happend last night? how did i get here? I was in so much pain my whole body ached. I went toilet... I was bleeding and swollen and covered in bruises. As i took a shower i wondered how did my knees get covered in dirt if i had my jeans on?? Memories from last night came back to me.. Ones ill never forget.
mellybo mellybo 18-21, F 7 Responses Mar 22, 2011

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What has happened since this event? Did you get examined? Did you prosecute the person who raped you? Even though you were intoxicated and used some drug prior to the attack does not make it "kings X" for the rapist. I hope you get better. Remember this event the next time you decide to go drinking, however. Women should not have to worry about being attacked while intoxicated, but in reality, some people take advantage, as you have learned the hard way. Keep your head about you, Good luck.

Don't let the text messages upset you. There are sick bastards out there. Your revenge is to get over this and not to let them get you down. Have you thought about talking to a counsellor or getting therapy? It may really help. Yes, the underwear should be good evidence.

i understand-.-

I dont know why this came up as i have a dog??? sori about that. I have the under wear that i was wearing that night which should have the evidence. But things have got alot worse now... I have been getting harrasing and threatening txt messeges from people because someone told everyone about what happend to me and now people are texting me saying this is what i get and that i love it up the ***! I WOULD NEVER WANT THAT!!!

They'll find evidence of damage, and probably of rape, but I don't think they'll find anything that can nail him. But you don't need the evidence; you know what happened, and so does he. You must work on letting the old you come back. It won't be easy. It will take some time, and hard work. Keep talking to me, please.

I have showered since (this happend 3 days ago) but not cleaned myself thouroughly because i have not wanted to touch the area as it is very sensitive at the moment. Im going 2 get examined tonight so i would like them 2 find some evidence, there must be some damage done also because i bleed everytime i go toilet. Im not wanting 2 press charges but i do want to have the eviedence as he is denying it. And thank you, im in a very fragile and traumatised state at the moment but i know the old me will come back eventually.

Having showered, you destroyed the evidence, so getting a successful prosecution may be difficult. But you must understand that the girl who cared about her looks is still there. You did nothing wrong, except trust the wrong people. Don't let that destroy you.