Remembering The Good Times!

 I would adore having another dog, however due to my health it is impossible. It would not be fair to bring another loved one into my life, as I never know when I will have to back into hospital or to a care facility. I have a stuffed dog, that looks incredibly like my deceased loved one. I often find myself sitting and staring, recalling all the love and company he provided to me; hopefully he felt the same way. I know he displayed his feelings through his actions thus allowing me to reach the conclusion the feeling was very mutual. I cry at the thought of all the abused and lone animals that need homes and the opportunity to bond with someone and be on the receiving end of enormous care and concern, not to mention love. However due to my inability to properly care for one, I have no choice. I never realized how sorely I would miss every second that I spent with him and all the love and attention he lavished on me. No one could have asked for more. It was almost like God had purposely sent him to me. Our souls were so well matched, he adopted my routine, my difficulties, never complained/acted out at the fact that there were times I was not well enough to walk him or play a certain game. His entire persona took on one of complete and utter happiness at what we could do and what we couldn't. It was like he read my mind , knowing that at certain times I was in too much pain to play catch or take a long walk. He slept when I did, I had to force him to leave my side even to go out with another. He would not eat when I could not, he cried when separated even if only for an hour. He would sit at the front window aqnd not move until I returned, eagerly awaiting my car and later the cab/van. He would not leave that window to even play with Mom. It was almost like he was afraid it would be disloyal somehow, unfaithful in some way. I hope that he never felt restricted by my limitations, but understood in his heart that I did all I could for him. He certainly gave me his all! He understood every word I spoke, even if I said it in Spanish, which I studied for five yrs. and can speak fluently when I have the opportunity, usually only on vacations or translating at the hospital for spanish speaking patients, who knew no English! My family used to laugh at the way I could ask him to get me something in spanish, or tell him to go eat/drink and he would immediately act, correctly. They would just stare in wonder! I also wonderred how he knew, but he just did! My Vets got a kick out of how he reacted when I would call from the hospital, they would hold the phone out to him so I could tell him I loved him and would be home soon, he would sit quietly, listen then answer my questions. They all thought it hilarious. My family figured we were both nuts. Though I also had the ability to talk with other animals, chipmunks, rabbitts even squirrels. All witnessed and  watched in disbelief. They called me the female Dr. Dolittle! My special pal would join me and watch, sitting in complete silence and cocking his head, looking from them to me like a tennis game. I once had him on my lap outside my home up north, when a chipmunk sat on my foot for about forty minutes, the dog staring as he looked up at us both and prattled on ! He looked like "Snoopy" hanging his head like a vulture staring at the ground. He would also sit completely still as I hand fed the rabbitts, coming from the woods! I realize I know sound like a lunatic, but all is true. I suppose all this solitude is getting to me and I would give anything in the world to have him back for even five minutes. I had him cremated so he could be buried with me, so if there is an afterlife I want him to be there with me and all my human family! Though it is hard not to think of him that way also.I keep his urn close, where I can see it at all times, but not the same. If wishes could come true, my little buddy would come to life again, even if through that stuffed dog. Then once again I would have constant companionship. I miss my"white shadow" incredibly!!!!!!! I realize that others here can relate to that feeling, even some to the same degree! I wish I could go back to '92 and start all over again!!!!!!!!! I am comforted by the fact that there is always a chance, however slim that we will be reunited one day. One can dream!

lone1 lone1
51-55, F
2 Responses Apr 9, 2010

Hi, thank you for answering abou the best book to read when u are lonely.. Just wanna share here, my grandma used to have some dogs that really understood her too. You all are blessed to have such experience!

I completely agree. What a touching story. I am sorry for your loss, I agree it is like losing a child. I was never able to have children, though I consider the two dogs I have had in my life, ultimately gave more to me then I to them. The unconditional love is phenomenal and they ask for so little in return!My first dog lived nearly 10yrs, she was buried at my old home. I wish now I had her cremated, so she also could join me! They both were very different animals, yet both had the uncanny ability to know me beter than I knew myself, how to make me feel better; when to cuddle up, when to give me room. I thank God daily for both of them and how they both filled an emotional void or saw me through different difficulties in my life!