Another Evening With My Bottle

You know, I just don't feel the same unless I have a beer or two. I don't feel comfortable until I feel that little buzz come over me. I somehow feel normal then. Although all of the thoughts of negativity began to feel my head.... somehow I feel... comfortable.

It doesn't even matter if I've had a great day at work. I at one point thought that work gave me so much stress I came home to forget. It's more than work. It's more of my upbringing. I don't know if my parents realize it but somehow... being surrounded by beer and even if they were "just a few drinks after work" it has affected me.

I grew up in a household of alcoholics. Even better I grew up with a very addictive family. The only person I know in my family that isn't addicted is my older sister. That's one person out of how many? So, what were the odds for me? Even then, I don't blame them for my addiction. My addiction is my own fault. I allowed myself to let my DEPRESSION to guide me into terrible addiction. To somehow forget. To somehow feel better. Yet, hello! I don't feel any of those things. I feel 10X worst. But... you know what.... ? I think I got so use to feeling alone... and disappearing with alcohol that ... it's all I know. It somehow makes me feel better.

I hope and pray for the day that someone knocks some sense into me. Wake me up... allow my body to know that it can survive without this wicked liquid.
guitargirl23 guitargirl23
26-30, F
Dec 13, 2012