Twisted

I remember my first time being drunk like it was yesterday. Not like i could forget seeing as how I started drinking because of my choices made that night and many others after.

This was our sixth night together, the four of us, and we were always together from that first day. We were all lost little boys with an idea to fight back against our bullies in such a way that they would fear us. Truth was until that night we had never really "put in any work". But this was our night! We had all been drinking having a good time when it was brought up. Next thing i know i'm in the front passenger seat and despite being drunk I was very afraid and anxious. Somebody lit up a blunt so I took a few puffs to help calm my nerves. Here I was thinking I should have brought my ******* bottle to keep my drunk going. Before I knew it we were at our destination and I was jumping out of the car and running towards a group of people. This is where time feels like it slowed, all I could hear is my heart thudding in my own ears like a drummer was standing right there next to me. Out of the blink of an eye I pulled the trigger as the first words left my mouth letting them know who and what was happening to them. That was my first time participating in a shooting in the name of our little gang. It happened many times after, including myself being on the receiving end of those gunshots. From there out I spent most of my nights in a drunken haze until everything caught up to me. For the first time in years I was sober and being handed down a judgement from some person who just saw me as another thug. I thought spending time behind bars would help me quit. All it truly did was force me to confront past memories that I had tried to drink away. When I was finally released and finished my parole, the only thing I had succeeded in was getting away from the gang life. My drinking was the worst it has ever been, its the only time I truly find peace and a good nights worth of sleep. I really have no desire to quit and I don't feel I have a problem as many around me believe.
willhope willhope
31-35, M
Jan 16, 2013