Go find an aa meeting....I did the same, just listen, people hear you and people respect and don't judge you...you have a voice you are supported.....I am 5 months sober, it's not easy but I applaud you and wish you a heart full of luck x
It is not your fault. Its so hard to live with secrets. What you need to really see is you need to tell your family so they can help you. This will not go away on its own no matter how much you pray. There is nothing they could say or do that could make it any worse than it is now getting help is the brave thing to do