My Addict Brother

Hi this is a story that has a heavy weight on my shoulders. Its my older brother, lets call him George. I grew up in a christian family, my father is a Priest so my days as a little boy I grew up going to church every sunday with my whole family, we lived in a small place till I was the age of 7 then we moved near the Capital. I have 3 brothers, well actually 4, but one died few weeks after birth. Anyways when we moved to this city I had trouble adjusting because of the "language" and behaviour. This was very different because I came from a very small town, and then suddenly we move into a big city. So I always tried doing stuff with my brothers like playing football or basketball. George was 13 when we moved. The period when we moved was very boring it was summer vication and we didn't know anyone so me and George mostly did stuff togheter while the 2 oldest brothers did stuff togheter. Me and George are the youngest ones. Then the school started and I got a few friends to start with and same with George so we kinda stopped being so much togheter, but I still tried to do stuff with him though. And as the youngest brother I might have been annoying towards them wanting to play with them or watch movies with them. So life kinda just continued like this for a year or so. Playing with friends and trying to do something with my brothers and get rejected.
After the year there was alot of times my parents were talking with him alone in the living room and I wasnt allowed to come in while this was going on which I didnt really think much about then. Around christmas the second year there was a day where most of our family was gathered ( including Uncles and grandmother ) and they were sitting around in the living room talking very seriuse. I was 9 at this time. I was being a child asking and looking around on what was going on. and later that week I found out my brother got busted with weed at a dealers house. So my parents had to bail him out. I knew it was a drug, but nothing more about it. So I started asking my brother about what it was, but as you'd expect he just slam the door in my face. Then there was George's best friend, he often stayed over at our place and they got high every day and ditched school. I noticed on George that his attitude got bad and he started being mean and lazy, but I so badly wanted to be his friend like we were that summer when we first moved there so I continued helping him out like cleaning his room and so on. Im gonna make the rest of the story shorter because now you kinda got an idea of how our relation is. There was one night when I was 10 that he came to my room with a bag of weed, which I did not know at the time, and he told me to hide it and dont tell anyone not even mom and dad. so I did and later that night some cops came and searched his room ( I was asleep that day but he told me the next day ). I then understood what I helped him with was wrong, but I loved him so much that I would do anything for him. And then there was another night, a friday. I was up alittle late on the computer so my parents had gone to bed and my brother passed out in his room in the basement. The doorbell rang, and I was kinda scared since it was so late, but I opened it and there stood 2 policemen with drug dogs. they asked me if George was home and if my parents were home. I went and got my dad and was sent to my room, dad let them in and I went out of my room to see what was going on. I saw my brother being dragged out by the policemen and one of the policemen was carrying a bag. so again my parents had to bail him out + he got community service and he had to do something else cant really remember what that was, but the fine for bailing him out was so high that my parents was broke that month because of that. We tried helping him and asked him if he couldnt go to rehab, but he refused. So I was 11 and now he started dealing for his dealers to help "pay" off his debt. after some time he got stabbed and robbed one night. Now my parent had enough so we had to get him away from that place. so we moved again. When we were moved I was 13 and he was 19 (nearly 20). we had a summer here aswell when we moved, but that wasnt a fun one, we shared rooms in the beginning because we waited for a house we were gonna live in. He cryed and screamed in his sleep, this scared me every night but I always got up to comfort him and calm him down. this continued for a while when he just continued getting high on all sorts of drugs, heroin LSD shrooms name it he took whatever he could get. after couple years of this he got clean from Talking to a friend of the family which had been a drug addict. After a year of being clean he moved back to the city where it started, and ofcourse he started using again. after 1,5 years there he moved back with us again. and he was using. there was nights that he was tripping so bad that he came in to my room because he was so scared. I always stood up for him and I still do. after some time with this he got clean again, and he got a girlfriend, which have 2 kids. he stayed clean for a while. but suddenly one night his girlfriend calls me 02:00 at night, crying and talking about him mixing some pills with Alcohol. I jumped in my car and drove right over, I always support him and Im always here for him no matter what. He have been very hard to deal with in the family... He still has his outbreaks like this, he quits and continues, I just wonder if he'll ever quit for good before this kills him. in most of his outbreaks he runs of to the old city turning off or selling his phone... And this is simply tearing me apart, especially seeing how upset my parents get from this I feel like I have to be the strong one, I mean its ALWAYS been me and George that hang togheter, I didnt really have so good contact with my 2 older brothers before I got 18. George struggle with Drugs and alcohol, and Im the one he talks to and Im the one that takes care of him no matter what, there is alot Im not telling my parents about him to spare their feelings about this, same with my older brothers. I feel like they cant handle it either because they just get angry at him and they cant talk with him. I just felt like I had to get this out here since I have no one I can tell this or talk to about it with. Its not like I tell my friends he's an addict, altough one friend Ive told, but only because we were playing basketball and George was gonna join, so he drove over and joined us, only he was high on pills and drunk. So couldnt really cover that up. Im just wondering if there's someone that has any simulare situation that might have something to help this weight on my chest here. And I apologize for the bad spelling English. Thanks for reading this :)
AndYes AndYes
18-21, M
Dec 8, 2012