Significant Other Pulled Over After Drinking

My partner was pulled over about a week ago after being out drinking with a friend. They are convinced that their life is over and that they are going to lose everything. This is their first offense and they have not even been charged with either a DUI or DWI yet. It has impacted their functioning at work and they have been inconsolable. At first, I was happy because they said they were going to give up drinking. Then, they informed me earlier in the week that they were considering ending their life peacefully. It threw me into a panic and I have no solutions that I can present. I graduate college in May and the plan was for me to move where they live an hour away from me where there might be more job opportunities for me. Now, there's a lot of things up in the air. I don't know how to make them unsuicidal. I'm doing my own therapy and recovery, and don't have a ton of emotional and physical resources right now to help them through it. I have talked to my therapist about the extreme amount of guilt I feel about not being able to help. I also feel a strong amount of guilt and shame for not telling them to stay where they were when they called me saying they couldn't find their car. They assured me that they hadn't had that much to drink and that they would be fine to drive home. I was two and a half hours away visiting family at the time and had to work the next day. In retrospect, I could have potentially driven there, but would not have been functional for work the next day at 8 a.m. It had been 11 p.m. already the time they called me looking for their car. After spending a rattling night in jail and meeting with a lawyer, there are a lot of things that sound unlikely of happening. Still, they are terrified of losing their job and apartment, along with everything else that MIGHT happen. I have spent the past week almost here and have been living out of a suitcase practically for the past 3 weeks because of the holidays. I just want to help, but I don't know how to. They assured me that if they were still feeling suicidal they will get professional help. Still, I don't know how to keep myself and them together right now, and am very scared. I tried assuring them the there are people out there who have gone to jail for much worse things that have managed to go back to school and get their lives on track. I've read a lot of encouraging and heart-breaking stories about people in this same position who have made a mistake and are dealing with the consequences as well as motivating people to keep going in their own lives. Any advice or support would be much appreciated.
gr3mm1gr3m gr3mm1gr3m
3 Responses Jan 10, 2013

Talk to your friend and let them know that being charged with a DUI isn't the worst thing that could happen in their life and and trust me at your age group you have a lot of time left to have things worst than this to happen , the trick is to brush yourself off and keep moving forward, sadness isn't forever, suicide is. Let them know that everyone makes mistakes in their life, the trick is to learn from them and the only true people on this earth that have not made a mistake are newborns ( oh yeah and me) other than that, life is a learning process, tell them to go and have an alcohol evaluation done just to get it out of the way ( if their BAC was high, the court may ask for this) get friends and acquaintances to write letters to the Judge and DA, tell your friend that life without alcohol can be just as fun and can cost a lot less , and most of all, have them come on this site and seek friends and help, they would find both of them here, let them know that doing something dumb doesn't make you a bad person, and yes it was dumb to drink and drive, but truth of the matter is that there are more people that do this than there are of us that have been caught, also some people have had DUI and went on to become president of the United States ( GWB) so let them know that life is only over if they give up

Thank you very much. I hope this will get through a little bit.

No problem! And if you need any more advice or help feel free to message me :) Let me know how everything goes! :)

That is very sad that they are considering ending their lives. Just let them know everything at the moment might suck, but to cooperate and do everything that is asked and it will be over in no time. I got a DUI at 17 so of course I thought my life was over, but honestly I am a better person because of it and it gave me a lot of insight on drinking and driving and what it does to victims and offenders. It has been three years and it is all finally over and I am able to drive again.

If they are over 21 then they won't get a suspended license, they will most likely have to take DUI classes, go to AA meetings, pay some fees and get a breathalyzer installed. It sounds like a lot, but it really isn't bad at all considering they could have killed themselves or others.

Tell them to look at it as a life lesson learned and move on. Nothing is worth ending your life over. And remember it was not your fault for not picking them up, there are taxi's everywhere :) I hope everything turns out okay!