My Whole Family Feels "sorry" For Step Brother Who Won't Work Or Provide For His Family!

I have struggled to understand this  of my family for years. I say my family meaning my bio father and his wife and her family. My step brother smoked pot (still does) since he was 13. He has never bought and paid for anything he has owned of value (truck, mobile home, ect.) My step-mother and her mother(the grandmother) have bought vehicles that he has wrecked. The grandma bought the mobile home that he and his family live in. My step brother- Jimmy and his wife refuse to work. There is always a reason as to why they don't or can't work. So my step mother makes sure his bills are paid! Between my step-mother and his grandmother- the space rent is paid, the lights, water, ect. get paid! On top of this every time Jimmy gets in trouble with the law - it isn't his fault! Every time Jimmy has an argument ( with me- or the wife or his brothers) it isn't his fault! My step mother just says "poor Jimmy". The latest thing he did-(because he was fighting with his wife) was to threaten to kill himself! Then he went around the next day and told everyone that he wouldv'e killed himself if his cousin didn't stop him from doing it! My step -mother and the grandmother blame his wife for "driving" him to threaten this! He is loud- he yells-  he is abrasive -there is no talking to him. I can't stand talking to him and only do so when I can't avoid it. This is the problem-all the "problems" that Jimmy and his family have----- affect my father. This latest attention getter-(the I'm going to kill myself if people don't treat me better) pulled my father home off of his vacation- so my step-mother could get home to deal with her son! This is a 39 year old man that I'm talking about here! I don't want to have anything to do with my step brother or his family. ( I used to try to help them- but learned the hard way to just stay away!) But my step mom asks me if I can give Jimmy's 7 year old a ride here or there. I finally told her the other day- that I have pulled back from giving this boy a ride places, or taking him to parades. or to see Santa Clause because if something goes wrong (the little boy falls and scrapes his knees or if I am 5 minutes late to get him somewhere) I have been yelled at for it- so I am not comfortable in taking the boy anywhere anymore. My step- mother doesn't say that Jimmy has been wrong or that he should say thank you for the things that I have done- she just sits emotionless and says "uh huh" and "I don't know about that"! That just infurriates me! Why does she let her grown up son act the way he does? Now as a result of her and the grandma's enabling- they have a grown man who refuses to take reponsibility or to be accountable for ANYTHING that goes on. It is always "poor Jimmy- he tries so hard" - I can't stand it! It has put a strain on my relationship with my step-mother and myself too! Any suggestions?
amanda45 amanda45
46-50, F
2 Responses Aug 9, 2010

Thank you for the feedback- I agree- I need to distance myself more from the situation and learn to keep my opinions to myself- it is so frustrating though!

Sometimes as hard as it is to do you just have to distance yourself from people. My family is also extremely dysfuntional and so I had to make the choice to step back and live my own life. Its not easy at all...But sometimes it has to be done.