My Family Sucks!Nothing I did was ever good enough to them growing up. My younger sister and I were always yelled at for the smallest things, and my parents were more focused on themselves than us. My dad always had to be right and my mom would guilt us over nearly anything that didn't go her way. I remember her telling me how I was conceived at 12 (she was assaulted while unconscious in her own bed by a "friend" she hung out with at the time), and phrased it as "You weren't conceived in love." Certainly went without saying, and I wish she hadn't said it that way. My feelings never mattered to anyone in that family and I was often by myself in my room growing up.
Around that same time she discovered she had Hepatitis C (now in remission). One day my sister and I were acting up in some way, probably nothing major, and when Mom sat us down one of the things she said was "You guys are so frustrating that sometimes I just want to stop taking my medicine and give up." Seeing as how she was fighting the HepC, this was basically a suicide threat.
My dad was always a controlling jerk, and things started getting worse when I was in high school. Around my freshman year it seems Dad started messing around on my mom, and around my sophomore year they both told my sister and I "We give up. We don't care what you guys do anymore." We always had trouble in school but they never really tried to help (I don't count my dad trying to help me with math homework when I was little- he would explain it in a way that was confusing or that I didn't understand, he'd get frustrated and start yelling at me until I cried. I stopped asking for help after a while and never did well in school), and it seems they were both more wrapped up in themselves than usual. Dad was seeing other women, Mom was a wreck and would corner me to vent, my sister started acting up and when I wasn't being dumped on, I was in the background dealing with a bad relationship of my own. About 17 my dad got caught driving drunk after a football game and my mom called me in tears (and it turns out drunk herself, she'd been in the car with him) to tell me. I told her to let him sit in jail for the night as I was obviously upset that he would do something so stupid, and after always telling us not to do that! By the time I saw him the next day Mom had told him what I said, and he tried to kick me out of the house for saying it! He was convinced that my saying that meant I "didn't love him anymore". I somehow convinced him not to, but he's always felt he was in the right for it and has never apologized.
Eventually my dad finally walked out on Mom around Christmas, and it came out that he had knocked up some dumb then 20-year-old girl, though despite telling us the following May the girl was 5 months pregnant denied he ever cheated on Mom. Turns out he also wasn't paying the mortgage and other things for about three years so he could spend money on his girlfriends during that time too.
Since then my sister decided at 17 to get pregnant. She's been in denial about how our parents treated us (once claimed them saying they "gave up on us" as a motivator), except I'm pretty sure that's why she got pregnant- she wanted love and attention. Well, she ended up getting it- from them and the extended family, just because she popped out a kid. I have a 13 month old now (her first is 6 years old currently), and the same thing happened, though at this point it doesn't mean anything.
I'm still working on my low self-esteem and codependency issues partially brought on by my family experiences, and it's getting better, but getting beyond the denial I was in for years is difficult. The way things were going then I was convinced I was the one with problems and was messed up, but nowadays (with the help of my wonderful and very intelligent husband), I'm realizing that *I* was the only sane one.
Thankfully I'm not even in the same country as my family right now so the distance is making it easier to work through it. Thanks for reading this!
MissVida 26-30, F 4 Responses 1 Sep 22, 2011