My Family Is a Dysfunction

I think my family put the "dis" in dysfunctinal.  My grandparents had three children, two girls and one boy.  My aunt has been married 6 or 7 times, during which she had three girls and one boy.  My male cousin was gay and died of AIDS that he contracted while tricking his way across the state to get away from his abusive father.  My aunt has had, or believes she has had, every disease imaginable, and is now so ill due to the medications she took for all of her believed diseases that she needs the medications to stay alive.  My mother carried the guilt of her father's death throughout her life.  She married a 30 something year old man when she was 16 and was raped by two sailors shortly after.  She became an alcoholic and drug addict and became so addicted to cigarettes that she could not sleep eight hours without waking up to have a smoke.  She married a total of 7 times and had 7 children, 5 girls and 2 boys.  Only one of her children were from men to whom she was married.  She finally broke her addictions to drugs and alcohol but suffered from the guilt for what she put her children through, lived her last few years with the help of an oxygen tank, as she never quit smoking, and finally died of emphysema.  I don't remember her ever working.  I remember her once, in a drunken rage, beating the crap out of a woman in our apartment complex for mouthing off to her children.  I also, like WyldHoney, remember my mother being taken away by ambulance, although due to an alcohol overdose.

My uncle, who served as my father figure during my childhood, was gay and was sent off to military school to "straighten him out."  There, he was molested by his commanding officer.  He hooked up with a 30+ year old man when he was 19 and remained with this man for many years, not knowing that his partner was molesting me and my sister.

My two oldest sisters shared the same father and spent much of my earliest years living summers with him.  They were both molested by my mother's choices of partners.  My oldest has been married 7 times and is an alcoholic.  She had 4 children, all girls, but allowed the fathers to keep them.  The second sister has been married 4 times and had two girls with her first husband.  Both of these sisters had their first child before the age of 18.

My sister just above me and my brother just below me all had the same father, although my mother never married him.  The sister was molested by at least two of my mother's partners, then married a man who raped her for 17 years.  She had two girls and two boys from this man.  She, thank God, is now married to a wonderful man who has given her one more child, a boy.  My brother never finished high school, dropping out to support a girlfriend's education.  The girlfriend left him as soon as she graduated.  He got a good job using his intelligence but never went back to school.  He then impregnated a woman, married her, then she divorced him.  He married another woman a year later, then divorced her.  He moved and I have not heard from him in five years.  He was physically abused by a demon named Red but was never directly sexually abused.  He did suffer through being made a part of a stepfather's abuse of my younger sister, though.

My first younger sister was probably the worst abused of us all.  She was sexually abused by a stepfather and at least two other adult men.  She was also physically and mentally abused by my mother and every one of her partners.  She is now schizophrenic and has been married twice.

My youngest sister lived with no housing stability.  She lived with my mother in bars, cars, on the streets, and in rundown apartments.  She was sexually abused by my mother's boyfriends and often had to witness the abuse of our mother.  I acted as her father figure when she was young, determined that she would not receive the abuse the rest of us had.  I could only do so much, though.  This sweet little girl turned out to be a strong willed, level headed young woman whom no boy dared to abuse.  She married a rich boy from Georgia who then turned into a tyrant with the backing of his parents.  She dumped him and, after several years, married a wonderful man to help her raise her son.

Although I was the middle child, I was the first boy.  As such, I was my mother's favorite.  Shortly after I entered kindergarten, my mother pimped me out to fat old men, telling me that I was helping to earn grocery money so the family could eat.  I believed her.  Then my mother married Red, who gave me nightmares long after she had divorced him.  My brother and I had developed a habit of rocking our heads on our pillows and singing in order to drown out our mother's cries in the room next to us and this habit bothered Red.  He beat us if he saw it.  Red not only abused us, he was proud of his actions.  Once, after forcing feces into my mouth and threatening me if I pushed it out or threw up, he called over neighbors to see what he had done.  At the age of 8, I was molested by my uncle's boyfriend.  I was whipped across the back and legs by a belt by my mother's last husband.  In order to survive, I, like my siblings, learned to stay out of the house whenever possible.  When I had to be home, I learned to be a goody-goody, following all the rules whenever anyone was watching.  I was the first to finish college.  I have now been married for 19 1/2 years.  Although our marriage is suffering serious problems, we are going through counseling in the hopes of keeping it alive.  I just finished some intense therapy and have three wonderful and talented children who are intent on driving me back to the therapist.  Although my siblings and I were very close as children, we have very little contact with each other anymore.  I used to call and write to them frequently but got tired of the fact that they did not follow suit.  I'm surviving just fine without them, though.

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4 Responses Jun 8, 2008

Thought mine was dysfunctional enough....God will bless you, hang on there.

this is not disfunctional.

Oh my JimmO,I went through abuse as a child but nothing like that. I worked through my issues with a good therapist,it took me a while to find one but it really helped. You helped your family as much as you could when you were growing up,remember you were in that situation too. I have found a sort of peace,my life didn't end up how I expected it to but I've decided that that's alright. [[[HUGS]]]

I wish you every blessing Jimmo, and hope that you can heal from this 'nightmare of abuse".<br />
Some people shouldn't be parent's :)<br />
<br />
Bless you heaps Feflower

In my husbands family, we have just begun o really address the abuse of my husband, even by me over the last 45 years, I thought that when I joined his family and the social circle the moved in I was helping keep asocial dysfunctional man from turning lives inside out. I thought that due to the Isolated duties my husband was in in both the army and the navy. In the Army he was on some kind of listening post duty. someplace in the Mid east for two years. In the Navy he was on submarines. I thought his Isolation of over five years total left him without the ability to empathize with other people. When he came back from his submarine duty he wanted everything to be his way on the job he was going back to in civilian life.
He had gone to the navy before he was laid off in 1979, Used a Military Leave of absence on the job he had since leaving the Army in 1976 and he used information gathering ability to know when he needed to leave and continue his seniority accrual under a UAW contract When he came home he had accrued 9 years seniority total, More than 60 percent of the workforce when he returned. And he wanted certain things like shift preference, vacation slots, the ability to push younger seniority into working holidays and weekends, and take the vacation slots he wanted. His first two days home he was hot into it with his father about going back and reinstating on the job the first day home. The second day home my first sight of my husband was him pinning his father to the living room ceiling and yelling at him he had done got on his last nerve the day before and he was going to see me if he had to tear a bulkhead out. His father wanted me to remain out of sight the first week home claiming that if he saw me it would cause some very bad problems getting him to do as he was requested. His mother got me out to the living room to keep my husband from killing his father, and since that day the situation of controlling him and his counters to that control have been going farther out of sync with what was both needed and required of my husband to the point we knew the first time my husband was allowed any thing he wanted in life we would see the last vestege of cooperation would go up in smoke. It did any way with me begging him to stay on the shift he had been on and not take a new job. I was even promising a normalization of our sex life, to not say anything about him taking the vacations and holidays he wanted, this was 2001, He did not even bother to aknowledge the four men that came up on our porch. when all he said was get out of my face and off my porch or die. he was not removing his name from a job bid. He was true to his word, he nearly killed them, then turned his attention to me by kicking the front door and frame in on me then walking in on top of everything and told me the next time I tried getting him hurt he would kill me. He broke my ankle that morning. His father appeared and said he was pushing to much over a dam job and he earned a broken nose over his attempt at interfering.
I just wanted to be a part of society but discovered my husband hated most of them and had no intension of trying to get along with any of them. He wanted the same rights. And after 31 years of our marriage he was not going to listen to reasons why his defiances caused everyone to be as they were towards him. I feel if he had just showed one bit of compassion toward others needs, simple cooperation a few times. things would have been much different, His father and others would not now fear my husbands next move will be to kill them, if they get in the way of his wants again.