Hey, I Hate My Family And It's Perfectly Fine

I have 3 sisters and you'd never know it. We never speak or have spoken in at least 8 years. None of them ever helped me in childhood, teenage years or as a young adult. All of them were jealous that I graduated from a great 4 year college with almost straight A's, worked my own way through school and never received a dime from my parents who wrote if off as "a bad financial time in their lives". Things my parents gave to them, cars fully paid for, house downpayments, little gifts for relatives who got married....all they gave me for my wedding was a cheap microwave. And no weddig....that's right...no wedding. Talk about embarassment...they own a $400,0000 home in Florida that's nearly paid off. I despise the dysfunction and am glad I decided to have only one child. Yes, folks, it's Cinderella all over again with a twist, instead of Prince Charming, my partner at first meant well, but when he saw how family treated me, he obviously succumbed to his darker tendencies. He no longer sought to please me, but pushed me aside to gain a foothold so that he would get money too if he pleased my parents. I hate them for this. He abused me terribly over the course of a few years and I have been on my own with my daughter now for over a year and a half.

No sister or family member has called to ask how I've been doing. Truth is,
they don't care. The feeling has been mutual for a long time and I'm glad I can finally express that they are all hell hags who deserve whatever hardships life throws at them as well. A family was supposed to be our support when we were younger, but when it was always dysfunctional, it is best to get professional advice (and get very clinical about your feelings of hate, rage and yes, acts of violence you'd like to one day commit on them).

If you don't, you will suffer worse than you already do. Depressiob has definite causes. I am still not whole enough to even want to go on a date. Use someone for my pleasure maybe, after all, I have needs too, but a relationship ...no way. I need an island to explore, a new place and to have as litttle contact with the abusive parties for the rest of my life. This may seem harsh, but wisdom innately tells me people rarely, if ever, change, and if they do, it will never be what you need now. I will not bow down or pretend I have to take abuse to 'survive' in a family that should have and could have been there for me. I hate the word survivor, but that's what the world labels you once the atrocities have already happened and you are left standing. They mean to crush your esteem, your power and your position in the family. It is intentional.....so why be nice.

That is one of the simplest things I learned at 40 I wish I knew when I was 10. It would have spared me so much pain. I will get my Island, and choose to think about what I'd like to explore there, rather than dwell on negative events of the past. In a sense, I am avoiding "haunting" myself to death with negative memories. This gives me a strong chance to at least come to peace with myself. I owe myself that much. If you hate your family...don't blame yourself. There are usually plenty of good reasons, you just have to get past that it was ever your responsibility or your fault for their shortcomings as human beings. Mine are monsters and I would never trust them to do any right by me in a 100 million years. They were raised badly.

So get your personal Oasis and get going. Don't waste another minute moping about what could have been. Once you do this, you will have opportunities to become happier. I promise. i ONLY wish I'd learned it sooner.
VictoriaLoridae VictoriaLoridae
41-45, F
Sep 17, 2012