My Lovely Family

In my family... Just a ******* vicious cycle, like a ******* cyclone just ******* demolishing **** and wrapping us up, up in a ******* celled hell, being fed bullshit. Alright we're all a ******* product of domestic violence, addiction and alcoholism is ******* everywhere, ******* crime..all this ******* ****. Bullshitting two faced jackasses. I can't take **** of drugs cause I'll kill a ************ with my genes. Dysfunctional bullshit. Nobody says ****, just sweeps it under the ******* rug. The ******* rug is off the ******* ground! Cause there's so much ******* **** under it. Just looks like a ******* pile of **** with a hat or something. There's years upon years of ****** up bullshit nobody's talked about...and it's growing, growing. What the **** we do in my ******* family is hoard pain. We're ******* pain hoarders! In all of our minds is a ******* hoarder's house or some ****. **** is piled up to the ******* ceiling! Jesus, can't even walk through, can't even ******* see our brains through the abundant bullshit. All this **** and nobody does a ******* thing. Including myself.

Because you see when faced with pain and bullshit, it's overwhelming. You're gonna do one of three things. You're gonna run the other way, charge at the ************ or go into denial. Yes, sir. A common ******* thing is to the run the **** away....no one in my family charges at it. Take shelter in denial, man. I know that shelter like the back of my ******* hand. Yes, yes. It's alleviating...but it isn't. Well, what the **** would you prefer I do? Charge at it? **** no, no. But I aint running away either, that's the lie I tell myself. No, I cut out the middle man and go into denial. Denial is comforting and numbing, in denial I can go "hey, none of that **** that really hurt me happened!" "Yay". You sit the **** in the denial shelter. That's me. You're gonna want to do one of two things. Find an alternative or find a solution. A solution? **** that, we'd have to contact all those estranged family members and *gasp*, oh my god talk about **** and move on. That's not happening in my lifetime. Lemme give you the list of alternatives that my family favors....addiction or religion. That's your choices. At this point the majority of my family is religious but at one point or another they were ******* raising hell. But the majority of people which are religious are full of ******* ****! They're the full of ****, ignorant religious people. Nothing do I hate more than two-faced *************. Alright, there is one other option which is the one I favor: denial. Oh my sweet loving denial. How I love thee. The reason I choose denial is because with drugs and alcohol I know I'd ******* die. Sooner or later. Both of my parents are highly addictive and my mom's side is full of alcoholics, my father's side is full of alcoholics. And then in between is all these ******* miscellaneous addicts. When I say addicts I'm not talking about pill popping *************, no. I'm talking the legitimate ************* addicts. Heroine, coke, meth. ******* meth! Do you know what the **** is in meth? My father was a ******* meth addict among every other drug. I could tell you some **** it did to him. Trust me sometimes I just want to get anything I can get my hands on and overdose as quickly as possible. But I don't. And I don't turn to religion because I'm not full of **** and I hate any type of authority.

And all of this is inside all of us. Such ****** bullshit. And I have to be constantly battling outside forces. People and society telling me men don't show emotion, that's gay. My family whether aware of it or not programmed me to never show emotion or discuss pain. Got me ashamed of pain. So I have to pretend like everything is ******* A! Like nothing in my past ever happened. Like I like myself. Like I don't hate that family member. ************, I act so well you'd think I'd have a ******* salary. "I'm fine". But on the other side is allllllll this emotion I have that I need to deal with and/or get rid of which I've bottled up. This is the predicament we're all in. But life goes on....mine happens to be rated R.
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26-30
Jan 7, 2013