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Feeling Some Kind Of Way About This

Things have been very tight financially for me. Had to recently borrow money to make ends meet, which I've never done. I saw my oldest brother and his family yesterday and he asked me to take a trip to Florida in less than a couple of months to see my mother to celebrate her 70 something birthday. He went on about how giving mother is and it would be great to celebrate her birthday with her children and grandchildren. I told him I didn't have the money to go. An unyielding financial tightwad, he asked if money for the trip wasn't an issue, would I be willing to go and I told him I'd think about it but I already have things scheduled - my daughter's soccer tournaments and her goal to achieve perfect attendance in school. Something didn't feel right about his "offer" but then it hit me again like a ton of bricks.

He owes me money - about $1900 because the student loan company bundled my mother's PLUS loans together. For years, I was the only one making payments on the loans they refused to unbundle again so I was paying his debt and interest. When I brought this to his and my mother's attention several times over the years, he refused to pay me back and she told me she wished we didn't fight, to "keep peace." At any point, he could have easily paid me back. As the oldest child who's also male, she'd always seems to take my brothers side over mine for as long as I can remember. I'm the youngest and the only female who was constantly told to listen to them growing up. After my father died without a will, I had to hired an attorney to pry my share from my brother's clutched fists. It was a tough decision for me. After the estate payment, he tells me he "included" the student loan payment in the estate check which wasn't something we negotiated at all.

So in order to "keep peace," I let it go not thinking about it anymore until now and it causes me renewed distress. He'd asked me to attend church with him today which I haven't in a very long time. He's a church leader and I'd be too tempted to testify to the congregation,"thank God I'm blessed...now could Big Brother sitting over there pay me back?"

zeeva70 zeeva70 41-45, F 3 Responses Jan 27, 2013

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Recently I told my brother that I'd thought about it and want to talk about his offer. I left him a message saying I'd prefer him pay me back. I also asked my mother to talk to him about paying me back and she said she would.

I'm so angry about it, wondering what can I do to calm down. Now that it's come up, it's difficult to "forget" about it again.

it's really sad how money could divide a family. well i'm not saying you're right, or your brother's wrong, but not paying a debt, or at least willing to pay it, could weaken the trust and bond within a family. and nobody wants that.<br />
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i'm not trying to judge him or anything, but being a church leader doesn't exempt him for such irresponsibility. well i really don't know his side of the story..<br />
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my grandfather has a same story with yours. now he and his siblings are still very cold to each other because of money. they are all old now, but still they won't talk to each other. i hope it won't happen to you.

great experience. Very well written. I can see what a good person you are because I would have knock him up side his head for 1,900 in cold cash, not that I'm suggesting you do that. But a baseball bat is a good way of say: We need to talk.

I feel powerless in this situation and the anger has resurrected. The physical stress from this experience has caused me back pain. My mother says he doesn't "listen" to her and he's mastered avoiding this issue. When I hired an attorney previously my mother made sure I knew how "wrong" I was, giving me a variety of "turn the other cheek" scriptures to read. I can understand her not wanting to see her children fight, however; as a goal, people should stand up for justice. Holloway, you're such a good friend and I look forward to talking to you about this.