"friending" Is Problematic....

For some reason, in social situations I most always end up listening to the odd, eclectic, forward/honest/blunt people among us. They want to talk to a lot. I suspect that's because I genuinely find them interesting, so I listen and don't judge, which may not be something they encounter often. For some reason, they take to me pretty quickly (probably because I listen so much).

Except the reverse is most often not true despite initial interest.... =/ I listen and don't judge, but it takes me a *long* time to call someone a FRIEND.
Should these people want to listen as well, they would find me just as weird, blunt and odd as they, except in different ways. And most often I am not greeted by the same acceptance I show. So... it's always a case of me listening, them talking, or the whole thing falls apart.

Most people I know have 500+ "friends" on Facebook--well, most of those would be better called "acquaintances" I guess (how can you have 500+ close friends, where do you find the time for all of them??). I have maybe 40 max, but ALL of them are really good friends I've known for years, except for a few I know I am going to get along with very well. (I have a good radar for that). Around these people, I can be the perfect oddball and they won't care. That is why I call them friends.

Except now I'm in a new place, meeting new people. And part of their social process seems to include that they add me to their "friends" list. Even if they don't know the first thing about me. =(

I suppose the reaction here should be "Don't make it such a big deal", but it is to me. You know that South Park episode where Stan ends up having to friend his grandma!??!?! I feel like that. I can't give in to the insanity. It saddens me to be just a name on people's lists they can ignore when I become uncomfortable, and I refuse to treat people like that myself!

And I really don't know how to warn people that some of the things I rant about can make them perfectly uncomfortable. I tend to hit people's buttons without being able to predict or avoid it. All I know to do is wait for the sh*** to hit the fan.

If I try to explain this, I inevitably get this reaction: "Oh you don't want to get to know me now?!?!?"
And they gloss over the fact that I'm just trying to keep an uncomfortable situation from developing.

I am becoming a master diplomat in the art of saying "No" without setting off 150 rejection alarms......
Wonderatrix Wonderatrix
31-35, F
1 Response Nov 25, 2011

I know one girl that literally has over 1200+ friends on Facebook. Don't take it to heart, it may be required to add someone to your friends list these days for social reasons, but you don't necessarily need to be too negative about it. Just say that you don't use Facebook very often, and you only add very close relatives to keep everything simple, they'll understand, I hope.