Grandma

My grandma has been fighting cancer for a couple of years. I got the call a couple hours ago, the cancer has spread through her whole body. She has blood clot through her whole body now including her brain. They are giving her three months to live. The doctor say as bad is she is she may not even have that. My step dad who has been my one and only dad in life, married my mom when I was five. Since the first time I met her she was my grandma. She was not always the sweet grandma everyone has. But she has always treated me and my sisters and brother as her grand kids. She is a strong woman that has always worked hard her whole life. She took care of my grandpa when he got to sick to take care of himself, til the day he passed away.They had been married a life time. Her and my mother have not always gotten along, but here in the last few years they have grown close. I realized today how close when my mom called crying. She had been taking care of her til it got to the point she needed the nursing home.They got the call from the doctor and my dad had to go to the nursing home to break the news to my grandma. Mom say he is in very bad shape. We have all known that this was coming but I guess none of us wanted to admit it. My grandmother wasn't there for everything in my life, but she has always been there for the important things. She paid for my divorce lawyer when I didn't have a dime to my name. Her words being her granddaughter was to good for him, and that the only good he ever did was give her two beautiful great grandchildren. I want to hope that the doctor is wrong and that she still has a few years left. But I know what they are saying is true. The last time I spent time with her was a couple days before Thanksgiving they had a dinner at the nursing home. She didn't even remember who I was til we got ready to leave. Just when I went to walk out the door, she started getting upset asking where I was. I went back in the room she told me you know you are a good girl, then she told me she loved me. She hugged me and kissed my cheek. Then she was gone again in the next moment not knowing who I was. I haven't been able to make myself go back since then. Now I know I have to find the strength to go see her again. In some ways I want to be selfish and keep those last words she spoke to me. But I know in my heart it is not right. That I need to be there for her like she has been there for me, weather she remembers me or not. I want her pain to end, but I don't want to lose her