Intimacy Problems... Help!!!

If anyone could help at all I would seriously appreciate it. I feel so lost and down and don't know what to do next. .
When I was younger my sister was sexually abused by my dad, however I have now started having flashbacks also. Also when I was 11 one of my boyfriends tried to rape me and luckily I managed to get him off me.
I haven't had much luck with men and I am now a lesbian, not just because of this. However I am having serious problems.
I have been with my partner for 2 years and we have serious intimacy problems. I get scared when its come to even touching one another, even when it comes to kissing, I panic incase it leads to sex. She has said that sex isn't everything however after 2 years its causing serious problems. I feel like it is more of a chore and I fear it but don't exactly know why.
I also suffer from fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome which doesn't help. I don't know what to do to help. I am at a loss. I don't know if my health plays a part in this.
Any advice would be appreciated as I'm about to lose my partner and my mind!! Please help me!!
An Ep User An EP User
2 Responses Jan 22, 2013

Health definitely has a role in your problem. If you don't feel well the last thing you want is to be rolling around in bed. I have Fibromyalgia and it affects many areas of my life. It hurts being touched, I'm sure you experience the same problem. That's part A of your issue.

Part B. For the fear of sex and intimacy, you have a problem trusting people. You may think that you trust your s/o but in actuality, you don't. What you NEED to do for the sake of your own mentality and well-being but also saving your relationship is to seek help. Whether or not you were sexually abused, physically abused or emotionally abused you've been subjected to it and that is extremely harmful. The best thing to do is seek help with a sexual abuse counselor and typically there are free services in cities/large towns. And realistically, talking about it with a friend or a stranger may not help you.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything gets better for you.

Hi there. I hope you're doing a little better than when you left this post. I have the exact same problem. I hardly even let my poor husband kiss me because I don't want him to think we're having sex because, as you said, it's a chore. It's not that I don't love him or that he's bad in bed, I just panic. There is some sexual trauma in my past as well. I've come to realize that I have a fear of intimacy. There's a lot of informative, but not necessarily helpful, information about it online. It's a frustrating and sometimes devastating thing to live with. I know my husband isn't going to leave me over it (he's a wonderful, understanding man) but I feel so guilty about it every day. I'd really love to have someone to talk to about it; you are more than welcome to send me a message if you'd like to talk. Maybe we can talk each other into a solution. :)