Hi all...just found this site. I hope it helps. This is my first experience with the criminal justice system and I am freaking out as to what is going to happen to my fiance. We got engaged on Aug 4 and three days later he gets arrested for stealing. OMG. I couldn't believe it. He has now VOP charges for felony theft and grand theft and I don't know what all of this means. His PO said no bail and 60 days....what does that mean? He was on probation doing so well...had a job, no drugs, and our future was just starting...and I don't know what happened. He said he heard someone tell him to steal. He has bipolar issues and his family think he is schizophrenic and has anti-social personality disorder. He wants to get mental help and meds to regulate this issue as he DOES has anger issues and no attention span...like ADHD. Some people tell me he's going to do three years...he says something about 6 mos to even get help....what happened to the 60 days from the PO? I am lost and still in shock. I just don't know what to do, how to act, and NO ONE is supportive...dump him, he's a loser, you could do better, you're a loser to stay with him, etc....this is from even family members. I don't know what is going to happen? He is on probation for domestic disturbance and drugs. He says he has been clean since March 2013 which I believe. Anyone have any clue as to what might happen and what I am looking at here? Is anyone else experiencing this kind of rejection and aloneness? Thanks all for listening!
angeefl1267 angeefl1267
46-50, F
3 Responses Aug 16, 2014

It was a shock to me, too, soon after we married, but I don't regret standing by him through these three years and seeing how he has changed, and our love for one another has grown.

The system can be difficult to understand, but I learned that I was his voice on the outside, since he could not call and his public defender never visited him. I kept in touch with their office and took paperwork that was needed. Also, I helped him, due to his medical problems, as much as they allowed. The shock and pain you are going through is so hard in this first stage. It does get a little easier, and God will give you the grace and strength.

I have an adult son with mental illness and have had to help him through some difficult years. He is now a totally different person, even caring, and on the right meds. We are in others lives for a reason, and I believe in loving and helping them through.

Wow...thanks. I just can't even start to think about if it will be 1 or 3 or 5 years....I feel like I would just fall apart. I miss him so much. We were together every day since we met and now my life feels so empty. I feel so sad when I see him behind the glass and can't touch him, hold him and give him a kiss. I feel like I don't know what to say sometimes. It's like our life just got started and then now we're stuck apart. Yes, this shock and pain hurts really bad. Like hard to deal with bad. But good to know it gets better. I pray as much as I can night and day. God is the only one that will get us thru this. That I KNOW. Thank you for your support. I don't have that much in my life and neither does he. It's like his family has given up on him. I don't want to...I want to be there and marry him and start my life with him.

You should speak with his attorney. He should have a public defender appointed by the court.

He said that he was just awarded one so that's good. He is thinking of having me as a character witness....which I will gladly do. Am I allowed to call her? Will she call me? He has a case management conference Aug 25...what does that mean?

You are allowed to call. Depending on how nice they are or how busy they should call you back. But honestly sometimes they don't. A case management conference is really just a meeting between the judge, prosecutor and public defender to advise the judge how the case is progressing and the judge will come back and say this and that needs to be done by a certain date.

So he won't know anything like sentence or plea or whatever then? Is there anything I can do to help? I feel useless. Thanks so much for responding!

They may have a plea offer for him by that time. It's hard to say how quickly the attorney will act on his case.


No problem. Good luck to you guys.

3 More Responses

Depends on the city probation violation is normaly a no bond he will get out when he sees judge on the po violation and never leave a man when he is down we all fall short if u love him that's all that matters

I love him with all of my heart and don't see myself with anyone else. I gotta work on being strong for him as when I go see him I am just so scared I have a hard time focusing on what he is saying. I am scared for him. I miss him so much. He is really trying hard to support me as best he can and I am doing the same. Just sucks being alone. Thanks for responding.