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I Always Suspected But Was Relieved To Know...

Glad there is a group entitled this, because my son is gay and I am very proud of him.  He turned 15 today :)  He didn't come out to me exactly...he told his sister who told me but I already figured it out long I confronted him one day when he said he "just wanted to spend the night at a guy's house".  I said you are gay and so is he! and he didn't argue.  The next day we had a really good talk, he told me that he had been out for a year! and that even though he told people he was bi at first, he really isn't and he only likes guys.  

Over the past couple of months, we have had ups and downs...he is a teenager after all and we have some issues of course...but he is doing extremely well with this.  He has come out at school, wears rainbows, is proud of who he is and has many gay friends.  He joined a youth group for LGBT 14-21 as a safe place to go and hang out and meet new friends.  He goes to dances every Saturday night there and plays pool etc.  He is so relieved and has made so many new friend (most of which are girls lol).  His whole life all his friends are girls.  He wears makeup, mostly eyeliner but I bought him purple mascara and gave it to him this morning..he was thrilled. His 18 year old sister and i went out and bought him a birthday cake tonight, it had white icing, rainbow coloured drizzle all over it and we put a tiara and scepter on it (it was from the princess cake)!  He loved it.  As you have guessed, my son is quite feminine so it wasn't a big surprise for me that he was gay.  Not at all.  

I am very open minded and even though its kind of strange and new to me, I have listened intently when he talks about the drag queen show, about a new guy he likes, that kind of thing.  I am thrilled he can talk to me about it.  I have several gay friends so this helps.  One of them I went to to ask for advice when I suspected and he helped me a lot.  I also recommend PFLAG which is a great place for what it stands for Parents and Friends of Lesbians And Gays. 

Anyway, thanks for listening. Nice to see other parents who are supportive :)

floydgal floydgal 41-45, F 9 Responses Dec 9, 2009

Your Response


I love parents like you who love their kids for who they are. My wife and I vowed that we would love and support our kids regardless of gender identity or sexual preference. Ours appear to be straight and identify with their birth gender, but we were there for them no matter what.
Kids are precious, and need their parents to be there for them.
Way to go mom!

You're doing just fine!

I guarantee, after a while, it will become old news and you'll not be looking at him as your gay son. You will eventually see him as just your son.

Don't forget to still be a parent. What I mean is, if you meet a boyfriend and the guy is bad news, tell him. Don't give much extra latitude because you don't want to create an issue. As time goes on and you're no longer preoccupied with his being gay... which may take a year... make sure you continue to parent him with no kid gloves. Make sure he's having safe sex, ask to meet his boyfriends, make sure he's doing school work, etc. be the parent. No offense... just a friendly reminder. The more normally you treat him, like any other parent of a straight kid, the better it is for both of you. This will also make him feel more normal.

A final note... I knew my two older brothers accepted me and were "cool" with it when they would crack jokes to me about it... like, holding up a 2012 fireman's calendar with a smirk on their face. I do the same to them too.

I still haven't told my parents that I'm gay. do you have any advice?

Bless you. Bless you. I nearly cried as I read your story about your very lucky son. Very lucky to have a wonderful mom like yourself. I wish I could have seen that birthday cake and seen his surprised face when he saw it. I pray that his life is filled with happiness and joy. May all his friends be as accepting as you are. I pray, also, that as he chooses a soul mate that he will go through life with; that he picks one that will compliment and complete him.<br />
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God Bless your son, and you.

My wonderful and amazing 16 year old son just came out to us- only his parents- he is a wonderful son I am proud to have-but he has had a horrible time at high school so far- any words of encouragement are welcome- he is a great guy- and we love him to bits!

If and only if I was born to be your son... thanks for are an amazing blessed..

that is such a great story, im gay and i still havent come out to my dad, i dont know whether he will understand, of-course my friends know but they are all really good at keeping secrets (plus i know many of their secrets ;) ) im thinking i will come out to him on my birthday next month, wish me luck, although its not like he is a hateful man or anything, when i was growing up he would be saying, oh i wish i was gay, kids are so expensive, in a good natured way, always made me giggle but be embarrised because he was saying it to me. thanks floydgal for giving me a bit of confidence

one other thing that I forgot to mention but wanted to share...this made me very sad but it also made me realize how happy he is now...he said that when he was a little boy he tried very hard to "act like a boy" so that the other kids wouldn't pick on him. He was taunted and called gay and other words I won't write here since he was in 3rd grade. but now he is totally himself...and I love him so much.