Guilty Fears

I really liked a guy who was a cop and he was lying to me and being all evasive and coy and heavy on the sexual flirtation. One of his friends told me he was watching me/my house with binoculars and had me thoroughly investigated to see if I was going to be good girlfriend material or I had a bad past. So I turned around and investigated him. I got his phone number, and one day when I was really really sad and missing him, I called him at home. He told his friends he was borderline suicidal with worry over his mortgage payment problems being so overwhelming, and I checked with the city assessor and paid his overdue property taxes. He was furious and said I was a stalker. No, he didn't report me to his Captain because he would have been so busted about being at my house in uniform feeling me up! And he wanted to keep the money and not have to report it, so he didn't say anything to his Captain about that either.


A few years later, I met another cop online. He told me he was almost painfully attracted to me, and started telling me all this stuff about his personal unhappiness. It wasn't that hard to figure out stuff, and I guessed at several things in his life - which just happened to turn out that way.  He wrote a post that hinted he was suicidal, and I found his phone number via researching his dept. on the internet and left a message at his work, saying I was concerned about him. He e-mailed me back and thanked me but denied it. Then he changed his e-mail and got rid of his blog, I think because he was creeped out that I "knew" so much about him.

But I still feel bad. That's 2 guys now who I've stepped over the line, even though in both cases they'd acted suicidal first, and it had made me so worried since they carry guns and cops have high suicide rates.

AnneBoleynElizabeth AnneBoleynElizabeth
51-55, F
Feb 19, 2010