Constant Paini put on a brave face. i smile and laugh and put my pain in the back of my head. (explains my frequent headaches) i'm always either in physical pain or emotional pain. most of the time it's both. my back hips and joints hurt often. and though it's enough to keep me in bed all morning, i bite the bullet and carry on about my day as if there is nothing wrong. i don't want to take painkillers because they tend to require way more than the dosage will allow in order for my pain to go away. the last thing i want is to become addicted. for now, i let the pain remind me that i'm alive and wince when it makes me want to die.
my emotional pain is me trying to fix the broken person i have become. i'm a very depressed person and again i don't want to take medication for this in fear of becoming addicted. but in this case, i've seen people on medication for mood disorders and they become zombies with and without their meds. the suicidal attempts don't end with medication either.
i don't tell anyone of my pain. not talking about it helps me to not think about it. my only concern is that i'm young and i know that pain stimulation is an indication that something is wrong, but i've had numerous tests and blood samples taken and they all say that nothing is wrong with my bones or body. however i know that this is not all in my head.
Dulcette 22-25, F 5 Responses 0 May 16, 2011