Constant Pain

i put on a brave face. i smile and laugh and put my pain in the back of my head. (explains my frequent headaches) i'm always either in physical pain or emotional pain. most of the time it's both. my back hips and joints hurt often. and though it's enough to keep me in bed all morning, i bite the bullet and carry on about my day as if there is nothing wrong. i don't want to take painkillers because they tend to require way more than the dosage will allow in order for my pain to go away. the last thing i want is to become addicted. for now, i let the pain remind me that i'm alive and wince when it makes me want to die.

my emotional pain is me trying to fix the broken person i have become. i'm a very depressed person and again i don't want to take medication for this in fear of becoming addicted. but in this case, i've seen people on medication for mood disorders and they become zombies with and without their meds. the suicidal attempts don't end with medication either.

i don't tell anyone of my pain. not talking about it helps me to not think about it. my only concern is that i'm young and i know that pain stimulation is an indication that something is wrong, but i've had numerous tests and blood samples taken and they all say that nothing is wrong with my bones or body. however i know that this is not all in my head.
Dulcette Dulcette
22-25, F
5 Responses May 16, 2011

I agree hugmenow and I would hug you right now because you're comment is full of many truths. There are plenty times when I long to just be numb. To float around not feeling anything as if I were on a cloud. I feel there's no need to rest because either way I'll be in pain. Plus, I don't want my bones to just sit in place and make it worse to move later. At least if I'm moving my mind won't be on the pain. I ride a bike around town everyday to keep my joints moving.

Iam the exact opposite I tell EVERYBODY that will listen ( and they are sick of it ) but I add Narcotics into the Intense Pain cycle and it sooths me I only take 5 x's a month otherwise I will Destroy anything ( relationships ) that is not nailed down. They help in small doses.<br />
We are in a cluster &*^%!! a catch 24 we exercise -it hurts we rest it gets us emotionally and finacially IT is a vicious cycle and PAIN should not be felt 24/7 WE ARE HUMAN and need to be NUMBED from time to time to be able to keep dealing the way we have with CHRONIC PAIN

Dulcette, Exactly, why would someone intentionally cause themselves daily pain? I do not believe any woman has pain intentionally. Especially when we have so much to care for: Family, children, friendships. We are too giving to be self-involved with pain. I hope you can figure out what is causing your issues, so that you can have happiness again.<br />
Take care :)

I'm thinking that pushing the pain to the back is the cause. That's where most of my headaches are anyhow. As far as the docs go is it that they see us crazy? That time of the month? Nobody really wishes pain on themselves. I'm just glad that I have the strength to go on about my daily tasks. I just want to figure out the issue before it gets unbearable.

Hello Dulcette, unfortunately when a woman feels physical pain, the Dr's usually say it's in our head unless they can find the exact cause for our pain. I completely understand the hiding it part. I too suffer from chronic pain due to many reasons. I thought I was the only one who had headaches from trying to hide/push the pain away. I am sorry you are going through this, I hope EP helps you vent some of your frustration.<br />
Take care.