I Won´t Disturb the Slumber of Feelings That Have Died

A  winter´s day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
I´ve built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It´s laughter and it´s loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don´t talk of love,
But I´ve heard the words before;
It´s sleeping in my memory.
I won´t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries



Our barriers to love are rarely consciously chosen. They are our efforts to protect the places where the heart is bruised. Somewhere, sometime, we felt as though an open heart caused us pain or humiliation. We loved with the openness of a child, and someone didn’t care, or laughed, or even punished us for the effort. In a quick moment, perhaps a fraction of a second, we made a decision to protect ourselves from ever feeling that pain again. We would never again allow ourselves to be so vulnerable. We built emotional defenses. We tried to build a fortress across our heart, to protect us from any cold assault. The only problem is, that we create what we defend against. - Marianne Willliamson


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9 Responses Sep 25, 2009

Wow. I loved that song when I was a teenager and it still applies today. Then, as now, I tried to let people in and I'm still trying but I just can't seem to get very far. I just don't trust.

it felt like my anthem the first time i heard it randomly on the radio plenty of years ago

I know these wall all to well...but i choose to not to make these walls to thick...even though I was hurt to the core. Ive just realized that not everyone is out to hurt you and it feels alot better knowing that I can have a thin wall and still let people in to my comfort zone. I have some really great "guy friends" and thats it there just friends and thats cool with me. I do understans though:-)


I can help carry away bricks!!<br />
<br />
Self protection is one thing - its good infact, if it stops us making stupid choices or getting in harms way. But big walls are alot of maintenance - and how does the sunshine get in? You deserve sunshine UC, buckets and buckets of it.<br />
You can do this. Trust slowly, dip a toe in the water, open little windows of vulnerability, let whispers of the true you out to test the air - feel the fear but do it anyway! There is nothing in you that I have seen that is not worth loving.


hey i love that song :) one of my favorites<br />
that quote's pretty great too. i've never read or heard that one before

:-( I am so sad to read this. UC, You are one of my dearest friends here or anywhere and there is no way I would describe you as having a wall around your heart. <br />
<br />
Sail on silver girl,<br />
Sail on by.<br />
Your time has come to shine.<br />
All your dreams are on their way.<br />
See how they shine.<br />
If you need a friend<br />
I'm sailing right behind.<br />
Like a bridge over troubled water<br />
I will ease your mind.

I empathize with you...