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Rockbottom

My husband is 66 - 20 years older than me, and in prison for a white collar crime. He got 3 years which is very, very harsh. The psychologists report and the probation report did not recommend a custodial sentence. There were many mitigating circumstances and many glowing references. The Judge was not interested. He did not wish to see them and gave my husband the maximum he could. There is to be an appeal against the harshness of the sentence.
My husband is my entire life. We dont have children together, but we both have children and grand children. We have been together 14years. We were magic together and enjoyed each others company. Our love is stronger than ever, but I am so depressed and lonely for him. I live for his calls. Nothing else, not even my grandson, seems to matter to me, at the moment. I dont know how to get through this. We spent all our time together and the hole left is so deep.
I write every day, visit as often as I am able ( I dont drive and he is one and a half hours away),I email him too. He is a category D prisoner and  should be moved to an open prison. I realise this could take months. Everything takes months with the system!
I feel as though this is a bereavement, only he is still there but not with me.
His chair is vacant and  everything has become unreal. The world still goes on, but it is no longer the world I know.
The one day at a time thing isnt working for me at the moment. So much easier said than done.
If anyone is going through anything similar, I would love to hear from you.

bishky bishky 46-50 1 Response Dec 6, 2010

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My husband is also in his 60's and in jail waiting to be sentenced on Federal charges of violating probation after he was arrested for possession of vicodin. I am in my 60's as well and am trying to deal with all the mess he left behind. I feel like I have to be supportive of him and have not been judgmental and have been going to see him since he's been in the county jail since mid December. I am having a hard time too doing one day at a time. It's more like one hour at a time. I'm not sure I want him back. We have been married over 30 years but I am angry that he let himself get into this position for which he is responsible. I'm have been through so much trauma the last few months that I am exhausted and am just after three months able to get up, get dressed, and get out the door. At first I was in shock and couldn't function. I have two grown daughters who live out of town and am in a new town and know no one. I have gotten all kinds of good advice, but not so easy to do, to move on, build new friendships, etc. I'm just sad and glad to have this forum as I can't tell anyone he is in jail tho it will come out sooner or later. He wil be gone for 3 years or so., Right now I have no idea., HIs hearing is this month. I wish I had comforting words for you but I am struggling to find my way out of this mess. I have to wait for his sentencing and see where he is sent. I have not been coping very well. I am determined to make things better for myself. All I can do for him is write, visit, answer the phone etc. I'm just tired. I wish I had some simple comfort for you except this is just one of those situations that maybe it's best to realize how hard it really is and deal with the pain and anger etc.