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Faithfully Waiting..

Dec 1 2005 my husband went to prison- 4 year sentence- and we have a "truth in sentence" law in our state.. no chance for early release.   I had been with my husband for 13 years at the time of his sentencing (married for 6 of them).   I had to put my feelings aside and deal with the affect and feelings for my 6 year old son, 2 year old daughter and 16 year old step daughter (his daughter).   I remember leaving the court room that day- thinking "How the hell am I going to do this alone for the next 4 years".. "How do I tell the kids when i pick them up from daycare that Daddy just won't be home for 4 years"... " how do I explain to a 16 year old that her Dad won't be there when she gets her drivers license.. or graduate from school..  How am I going to take care of the house alone- pay the bills, etc!!    What do I tell my parents??   My mind was racing...  Why me??  Why did God lead me to this point in my life?   I have never really broken the rules.   I always thought I was a pretty good person- never had a run in with law-- always got good grades, went to college, got a good job, married, bought a house had kids... did everything in perfect order.. What did I do to deserve this???  

My husband and I got along well.  We never really argued much.  We seemingly had a good marriage.   Or so I thought.   In hindsight-- I know now why God sent him away.   This has been a learning process for both of us.   I learned that I was WAY too passive.  I turned my cheek the other way much too often.   My husband had a drinking problem and went out 3,4 sometimes 5 nights a week... Leaving me to take care of the kids.   But I never said anything to him about it.  I just let him basically do what he wanted (which only led him into the activity that got him where he is...selling drugs).   i always had the attitude of "He's a grown man and will do what he wants-- arguing isn't going to make him change-- he's gotta want to do it on his own".  Truth is-- I was content with him NOT being home.   If he wasn't drinking he was either crabby or hungover.  He wasn't abusive or anything like that-- just no fun to be around.   I would pray often that God would make him have some epiphany on his own and quit drinking...  Hmmm... the phrase "Careful what you wish for"  became all too familiar.

In hindsight-- I realize that I had a crappy marriage.  But at the time, I thought things were fine.   It took this "break" for me to realize that I needed to be a stronger person for my family.  I needed to speak up and set some rules and not get walked all over.   I needed to stand up for my children and say "NO you're NOT going out again.. your going to stay home and spend some time with your children!"  But I didn't.

This break has also saved my husband.  He probably would have been dead messing around with the "thug" life.   Its no life for a family man.  He had to be taken away from his family-- for him to realize what he's been missing.   God answered my prayers alright... not just in how I thought it would come to be.   I guess it was the only way for God to get him away from alchohal and his crooked night life.    Sometimes when you don't listen to God-- he just straight up has to knock you upside the head.. which is what had to be done in my husband's case.

I have been completely faithful to my husband so far (and don't have intent not to be).   While I went through my stage of being angry for putting his wife and kids in such a struggle-- I'm over that stage.  I'm just ready to start over and rebuild our relationships.   In the beginning I wasn't sure if I should have stayed.   I didn't know if God was knocking ME upside the head saying "go on girl.... I'm giving you a chance... run!"  But I know God has a way of leading you where you are supposed to be.   If I am to be with someone else-- I would have met that person.   Since 3 years into the gig I haven't-- I'm sticking around.  Only a little over a year to go.   The time really does go fast.

During my visits with my husband we do a lot of talking and growing.    We talk more now than we ever have in our 15 years together.  We've learned so much about each other.  Strange... been together all this time and we're first learning about the new people we are becoming through all of this.   The kids also visit every month- its important for them to still maintain their relationship with their father-- inmate or not.  

My husband says that he just wants to focus on being a good Dad and husband when he gets out.   While I know its easy to talk that way when you're locked up--  At this point I've invested 15 years into this relationship (and over 9 of them in marriage)-- we have a family.  I pray that when he gets out-- we'll have the happy ending I know I deserve.   If I didn't at least give it that chance-- then I would never know.   BUT if it doesn't-- I know in my heart that I have given it 100%. 

For anyone else going through something like this-- there's a few things that I've always kept in my mind:  1) If God brought you to it, He'll bring you through it  and  2) whenever life brings you a challenge like this, you really have just two choices:  you either let it bring you down or use it to make you stronger.   I chose the latter. 

All the best...

 

 

 

cll9903 cll9903 31-35 37 Responses Aug 23, 2008

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Thank you so much for this story. You have really made this waiting alot more easier. My husband and I have only been married for 3 months but have been together 7 years. He just got sentenced on January 31, 2014 for 15 months in State Prison. Being that we just got married, its been kind of hard on me to deal with all of this. Your story has made me really think that YES! I can do this! And I will stand by my husband because i love him. You have given me faith and the courage to do this next year in a half by my husbands side. Im just praying the time goes by quick. Thank you again!

Thank you so much for sharing your story. My husband of three years was sentenced to 7 years exactly one week before our first child together was born. For the last year I have been searching for an answer, a reason, help, anything. I am taking care of his 10 year old daughter, my 7 year old son and our 1 year old daughter and like you, my emotions have been put on hold. He was sent to a prison 7 hours away so visits have been limited, but our communication and relationship is better than ever! Once I got to where you wrote "if God brought you to it, he'll bring you through it" I cried tears of joy, because I have finally found my answer, my peace. This is so true, God has saved him and our family, and we WILL get through this. Best of luck to you and yours.

I am sitting here right now with tears in my eyes . I am going through the same thing . My husband of 15 years is going to do 5 years . I'm so confused and angry at him for putting our family through this situation . I told God I was tired and I guess this was his way of bringing me out of this situation . I don't know what to do .

Wow I needed that..your a true inspiration..

How beautiful for you to share this heart felt story . After reading this I believe you have a happy ending comming to you and your beautiful family. I have a radio show on monday nights 10 91.5 fm in fresno ca its called. Thr Fire & Desire love dedication show oldies. Www.radiobilingue.org click on listen live it will turn into english st 10 pm my name is Ms. Marina radio station # 559-264-9191 or listen live on line send in your love dedications to your lived ones through my Facebook page or call me. I wish you all lots of faith god bless.

Myn got 10 years and I'm so lost I don't know what to do I have a 4 year old I'm so scared

It is scary. You can only take it day by day. My son was 6 and my daughter 2 when my husband went in. We visited him every week and the kids came with. Some people didn't agree with that, but that is their father and they need to take him for who he is and learn to forgive. While they are locked up the only thing that keeps them going is their family (their foundation) and keeping a relationship with their kids are very important. There were times we were fighting, and I would still make sure he got his visit with the kids (I would just sit in the visiting with an attitude). It just became normal for us. You will find your normal too. My husband got out in 2009, and so far, we have been living "happily ever after" (for the most part). It can happen. You just have to be supportive, forgiving and give them a reason to want to come home and make all that time up to you and your son! Hang in there.

Pray, Believe, Love and Hope. Try to remove all animosity and fear. You can do much more then you are expecting

This story has really opened my eyes, my husband gets sentenced next month, 4yrs, thank you so much for sharing your story, i to believe everything happens for a reason, i think getting locked up saved his life and (crazy as it sounds) save our relationship! I just wish i knew how to start putting everything back together so we can rebuild! Thank you

Just take it day by day. I agree about the relationship.. My husband and I were together for 13 years before he went to prison -- and when he was locked up I think we learned more about each other and had more conversations then we did in those 13 years. Just be supportive and willing to let the past go (Its hard, but if you want to move forward, you have to). If you are supportive, it gives them a reason to really want to turn their life around. My husband got out in 2009, and he now an awesome husband and father. Should of always been that way -- but if he never went to prison, we probably would not have seen that side of him.

Any update ?

this is such an inspirational story because I'm going through the same thing including the be careful what you wish for part, your story most definitely gave me more hope than I already have ! Thank You !

Im glad I read this, I am in a similar situation and its hard. My husband was saved during his trial and I got to see a glimpse of what awaits me when he returns. I can hardly get my mind around the time he has been given but I know I love him too much to leave. Im only 5 months in but I really feel like in the end it will be worth it.

Just an update on my story, that I orginally posted (Faithfully Waiting). I posted that in 2008 1/2 way through my husbands sentence.

My husband got out in Dec 2009 (served all 4 years of his sentence). So he has been home for 3 years now. This update is for those of you who feel disouraged and think nothing will change.. My husband is proof that they CAN change. Someone said "I can't believe this would be part of Gods plan".. well, God doesn't make mistakes. Here's an update on my story:

Those were probably the hardest 4 years of my life- emotionally, mentally and financially for both me and my children. But, I wouldn't trade those 4 years back for anything.

If my husband hadn't gone to prison, I could have been visiting a grave site instead of prison. Those 4 years ******** him of everything, and was long enough for him realize what is really important in life. God knocked him upside the head alright.

That experience has built so much character in my kids, its just amazing to me. For four years (twice a week) my kids went to a prison visiting area and rubbed shoulders with all walks of life (drug dealers, murderers, thieves, drunk drivers - and more importantly, their familes, people just like us). Unlike most people in society, my kids are NOT quick to judge.

They have experienced the ultimate forgiveness. They have seen first hand how a life of drugs (or whatever the case is) can destroy a family. I know that this experience will help them make better decisions in life. My son who is 14 now, just laughs at his friends who to try to act all "thug".. He just tells them straight up how stupid they are. I heard him tell one kid "you think you're all cool acting thug... I'd like to see how thug you are once your locked up in a cell". He knows. The other kid has no clue. If my son hadn't gone through this, he probably would've just followed in his fathers footsteps and been thug himself.

Me personally, I am a MUCH stronger woman now than before. I used to be so passive and let people walk all over me (including my husband). My sister tells me all the time how much I've changed and just speak my mind and stand my ground. I had to take care of everything my self for so long, that I just had to become that way. I like the new me better.

Now that my husband is is out, he has not gone back to that life. He doesn't miss any of the kids events (basketball, school plays, etc), stays involved in the church, has maintained full time employment and enjoys just being home with us. I am truly thankful for the trial we went through, because I now have the family we always should have had and we have all grown so much personally as a result of it.

I will say that you HAVE to support your spouse/boyfriend.. YOU have to be willing to let the past go and put it behind you, and see this experience as a fresh start. If my kids and I did not support him and stay by his side, I have no doubt he would have probably went right back to what he knew. You are family and you are his foundation. If they lose their foundation, they have nothing to change for. You have to stick together.

I hope my story can give some of you hope. I know its a rough time, I have walked in your shoes. Hang in there, be supportive, keep praying. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Thank you, you are such an inspiration

My husband just got sentenced to twelve years I don't want to discuss the charge but I am having a hard time knowing how we will get thru all this. In hind sight I don't think he will do all 12 but Colorado I don't know is there resources for me to get me thru this

Don't think of the years he was given. Look at this time apart as a challenge you both will work out together to get back with oneanother. Believe me my husband is doing 20 year sentence. I. Was depressed but after seeing therapist. I knew this was God's plan for us both of us crazy as it sound's! .I work now an budget he has went back to school an completed all free self help classes offered in the prison he is at. He goes to church an his point's have been lowered an will possibly be able to transfer closer to home due to his positive efforts an attitude! Sometimes God takes things away so we can wake up an see the better picture he has for each of our lives. Keep your head high.I am here to talk enjoy your day. Kitten7300

Awwsome its hard life but it works once they realize wat there missing

I so get what you are saying. I let my husband pretty much do his own thing. He was a grown man who supported us quite nicely, so who was I to tell him what to do?
Boy are things different now-even while he's inside. I question everything and it irks him. But on some of those long lonely nights, I still question who am I to tell him what to do? He was out during an appeal and suffice it to say his fear of going back was not kind to us. I honestly feel that if I give him an ultimatum now, he'll just lie and hide it and claim again that it was bc I couldn't handle it. I don't want to be the nagging prying wife, but nor do I want to be in the dark again. Sigh. If only the emotional and romantic husbands could come home..........

Ugh....I have read everyone's response and it makes me sick. Don't get me wrong, I am in the same boat, and I hate it. In my case, I am attracted to men who are arrogant, domineering, risk takers. I don't believe this is part of Gods plan. I don't believe there is anything positive about your spouse going to prison. I see it for what it is. A huge humiliating nightmare that has ruined our lives. I just hope that we don't change too much while apart. I am very angry because my son is 15 and he really needs his father. We have done everything in our power to give him a stable, loving family environment and now his life is ruined. We were at the best stage in our life, watching our son become a man, sucessful business, financial stability. But now all of that is gone. I hope I can lose this anger and my ****** attitude towards life.

Sorry guy's but everthing they say to you is a lie. This is my Husbands 3rd time and all the lies he told the first time he is still telling the 3rd time. But you gotta do what you gotta do.

Hope things work out for all of ya god bless u always nd forever .. Keep u in my prayers

well done, hope hapiness goes back to you and your family, you inspired me, which i am in the similar situation with you. regards

This is pretty much my story. I'm sitting here balling my eyes out to every word. All of this is new to me and your words touched my heart. I know God wouldn't put anyone in a situation they couldn't handle. Thank you for sharing.

My husband has done 8 months and has 8 months to go it`s very hard, but how I get threw it is I keep thinking about all the things that we have to look up to when he comes home, we have a 2 year old son and we have been together for 6 years married for 3, when he first left I was incredibly down and depressed, but I knew I had to get up on my two feet again and do what I have to for myself and our son. I keep my head up and keep coping day by day until the day he returns home it has been a very difficult road already and its hard even thinking about him still being gone for another 8 months it`s one of the hardest things anyone has to do. because not only is the inmate in prison so is the wife! So everyone going threw this just live day by day looking up to the day that your special one comes home to you! God did this for a reason he has a plan and GOD doesnt make mistakes!

I hear everything everyone said, but what are you suppose to do when every sex organ in your body is screaming for a man and all the sex toys in the world are not soothing your needs. What is a God fearing woman and one that love's her husband do at that point?

My husband is currently on his 5th month of a 2 year sentence. Im taking care of a house, child and two dogs while holding down a job and searching for my sanity. My question is when does the angry stage end?? At first i was sad and watched the door waiting for him to walk through it. Now im pissed at him! I deserve more from him! He owes me! How and when does this part pass?? I hate fighting with him and making things worse but i cant get over hating him for what he has done to my son and i. Also what things do u talk about to learn more about each other? I need some help there, his communication sucks and ive run out of ideas for things to talk about....... So much on my mind already.....

my husband is about to get sentenced to 2 years and i love him with all my heart he is my soul mate and i knw god has a greater plan for us when he gets home!!!!!

Thank you. I'm sittting here with tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing. and i will carry this with me .......1) If God brought you to it, He'll bring you through it and 2) whenever life brings you a challenge like this, you really have just two choices: you either let it bring you down or use it to make you stronger. I will choose for this to make me a stronger person...

Our stories sound very similar, and my husband and my relationship has become so much stronger since he's been away. I think it is because we actually take the time to talk to eachother. We don't have all of the outside distractions. It's funny the way God works..

You are a great inspiration. I really like what you said....

1) If God brought you to it, He'll bring you through it and 2) whenever life brings you a challenge like this, you really have just two choices: you either let it bring you down or use it to make you stronger.



My husband's ex-wife convinced her children (his stepchldren) to put sexual abuse charges against my husband after being a part of my life for 1 year, inviting us to parties, coming to our wedding - we were extended family. We had to take the plea and should have gotten 5 to 10 years but the Judge gave us 7 1/2 to 30. He'll be out in 7 1/2. We've served 13 mons. and have 6 years 4 months and 24 days to go....so very long. I try to forgive the stepchildren for what they have done but it's hard. Their lies have taken years away from us. I have met many people in the same boat. I started a prison ministry to help families and now write to 18 men. Some were cell mates of my husbands or family members of people I've met a long the way. My husband and I are trying to use this time to serve God the best we can and hope to help others thu their nightmare.



Praying for time to pass quickly. Wish I could go to sleep like Sleeping Beauty and wake up when my prince comes home to me. Oh well, life sure isn't like a fairy tale.

Thank you for your story. I had a boyfriend that dies a few years back and I met my husband after that. He is leaving on Aug. 18th to serve 2 years in prison...ladies...please tell me 2 years is going to go by quick...do you write your husbands every day? I am losing it everyday,I don't know how I'll make it through this,,,,my email is alleycat75@hotmail.com. Please email me,please...i have breakdowns everyday and need to hear some encouraging words please. God bless you all!!!!

You are truly a women of Faith, strenght, and Wisdom. My boyfriend signed for 4yrs... By the grace of God, they are giving him credit for some previous time which equals about a year. he's eligible for parole in what would have been 22months, but with the credited time, is only about 10 months. I am Praying for his safe & happy arrival in less than a year. I know God is faithful and he will be home. I Pray for your husband and his safety, you, and your children. Remain strong & thank you for inspiring me:-) God Bless you!!

Thanks for the story. I really needed it.

Excellent story. There are women out there who love those guys who love to be a little unlawful. I love my husband very much. I guess I would agree that I am somewhat like yourself. I know my husband sells drugs and I knew he had been to prison before we married. I also am a firm believer in God. I trust that he has a purpose for me being in this marriage and if I am suppose to do anything other, he will put me face to face with it.

My husband could face 5-life in a Texas prison for drugs. We live in Florida. I will not just up and leave him. I love him. This could also be a growing moment in our marriage as well. I am scared though. I really am

My husband is facing 5-life in TX also. It's very hard. He has his final court hearing on Aug 31. It's looking like he will get 15 years. He would have to serve 7.5 years of that min. It's very hard taking care of our 4 kids 11-2 but God is always showing me how strong I am.