One Year, Nine Months and 18 Days to Go
My husband is currently serving the last of a 7 year sentence for assualt. I can hardly believe at times that it's finally under two years until he comes home. It's been a long and difficult road. And lately I've found myself worrying about life AFTER he comes home. I know this might sound silly to some, but I almost panic at the thought that he'll be home in a matter of months.
I guess I've gotten so used to life alone. I mean, I raise the children, I support the family, I make the decisions. I've become very accustomed to making all the major decisions without having to consult him I sometimes worry about how his release is going to affect our family dynamic.
Now don't get it twisted...I love my husband. I've missed him and dreamed of the day he will walk through the door and be here for me and our kids. But I'm starting to panic a little. I mean seven years is a long time. We've both grown and changed and I sometimes wonder if we're going to feel the same towards each other once he's home. It's weird, from the day he left I have missed his snore but now that it's getting close to him coming home, well I remember that snore always annoyed me and kept me awake.
When he was home before, things were...well, chaotic is a good word. And now I have this really normal routine for myself and our daughters. My friends are supportive and encouraging people...what about his? I worry sooooo much about the old "buddies" showing up again. They were a constant source of drama and trauma in our lives.
I've spent the last 6+ years dreaming of the day he comes home and now that the moment is approaching I'm stressing myself out completely with worry over a thousand little things I know I shouldn't worry about. Or maybe I should...I'm not sure...all I know is that I'm excited and scared, I'm eager and anxious, I'm hopeful and fearful all at the same time. It's certainly not what I expected to be feeling.