"The Worst Is the Waiting..."

... waiting to know when it's possible for him to be released.

We had just been married about a month before his arrest. I love him and miss him constantly. He made a CD that I listen to frequently - he has an amazing voice.

I worry about talking to others about my situation in an attempt to find encouragement and support because of the possible stigmatism and loss of friends I already have.

I worry about people at work finding out about my situation for fear that someone will make a big deal out of it and I'll get fired.

I love him and want to stay with him through this, but it's very difficult taking care of things on my own.

Thanks for this group.

angelinwaiting angelinwaiting
46-50, F
12 Responses May 25, 2009

I'm in similar shoes doll. My husband and I had only been married 4 months when he went away, and now i'm on my own. But something I've learned in my experience is that you have to do what's right for you in your own heart. No one is going to understand what you're going through unless they are or have been in our situation. Don't listen to the haters, you know what's best for you and that's all that matters. We're here for you, keep your head up!!

I get it. I live two lives too... afraid of the stigma, and then torture of not sharing your situation with the people you want to count on. Hang in there... you are NOT alone!

Same here

I totally know where you are coming from it is even harder if your wife or gf is inside it is even more judgmental. I have been on both sides of the fence literally and would like to see more groups like this because there are a lot of hardships and obstacles for any couple trying to make it through a prison sentence

I too understand what you're going through. Because of our particular case, which is viewed so negatively by society, I was also worried about losing friends and this situation creating problems at my job. So instead of hoping they didn't find out, I set aside some time and told them myself. Turns out my managers were all very supportive and still are. They've allowed me to have an unofficial leave of absence from work to focus on his case and they've stressed that my job will be waiting when I'm ready to come back, even if they're fully staffed. The friends I've told have remained supportive, and so is my immediate family. There are others I'm worried about (those who are critical anyway, or really religious), but that doesn't worry me so much now that I know I have others behind me and behind him.

It is rough. Even though I have a supportive family and a few friends that know what's going on and are still willing to be around....I still feel so lonely at times. I almost get mad when days go by that he doesn't call or I don't get a letter from him because I need to hear his voice and talk to him so badly. But I know it'll get better. He's being strong in there, so I have to be strong out here for him and have everything set up just the way we want when he comes out.

So maybe that can help some of you too. Find a project, something that he'd been wanting to do, and get it done. That way you can send pics and tell him all about it and it'll be there for him when he comes out. We have a house that was given to us, but needs almost complete renovation. We also have a business venture that we were starting together. I plan to launch this business Monday and start saving for the renovation. I want the house to be all ready for him when he comes home so we can have the wedding we'd been planning and get on with our lives.

Find a project to keep you occupied, and do things that you know he'll appreciate for when he does come home. And keep him informed about your projects so that he can continue to be excited about them too. I hope that helps. :)

I love the idea of getting a meaningful project but i would stress that project to be for you

I understand what you mean my husband just gor sentenced to 16 months it is the hardest thing ever having him ripped apart from you we have 2 babies together and i know they feel he not around their just to young to understand. but i want to wait right here for bim but sometimes i think i cant do it because it hurts so bad not aving him it is hard but if you truly love him you should stick by his side no matter what.

It is the cruelist and harshest feeling having your man taken away from you without you being able to have any say. I'm in western australia and my man went on the run from qld after failing a urine test on parol. We travelled over to WA together and last month he got extradited back to qld and i was left alone to try and cope i am working thank god and have a place to stay but i miss him terribly and can't afford to go back as my family and friends don't have anything to do with me anymore because of my support for my loving fiancee, people just don't get they are not all bad people in jail like people percieve them to be just plain bloody stupid at times most of them and we are left pining and distraught trying to function everyday they are away from us and lucky to find support where we can.....

I can relate to what all of you are saying. My hubby has been down a long time and the waiting is the worst. I guess the worst for me is not being able to tell some people at my job. I almost feel like I'm living two lives. It's a hard life but I love my hubby very much. I'm hear for anyone who needs to talk or vent.<br />
Stay strong ladies...

i can totally relate my fiance is in federal with 13 years...i live in hawaii... it's so much of a struggle i really feel alone i don't have anyone who understands or i can talk to...

Its very conforting to read about atronó women that are going through tough situations i would add "is not what happened, is what you do with what happens so putting it together : keeping yourself buey in a project, taking good caer of your physical, mental, spiritual and emotional health assist to support groups such as ALANON or similar, i would recommend melody beatti codependency books and the never failing God ( whichever faith you have) in the moments of despair i turn to and i get cosolation .the pain,anger , lonliness etc feelings Will be there that is a given we have all shared our feelings but at the end its what we do with those feelings that matter are we going to Let them overwhelm us or can we choose positive responses to them such as the once mentioned

It is very hard and I have literally searched the entire internet for support blogs pages or groups there are a few for men women couples but not a single one for gay and lesbian couples it is a very lonely out of control feeling and is very isolationg

I understand where your coming from, alot of our so-called friends arent friends anymore due to their judging. Waiting is the hardest part, waiting for phone calls, visits, mail..Stay strong sweetie, sending prayers your way..

your right, the waiting is the worst part, wandering when and if the phone is ever going to ring.<br />
<br />
It rings, you jump up to get it only to find it's your mobile company sending advertising rubbish! <br />
Grrrr..<br />
<br />
Finding people who understand is hard.

I understand but you know what it sucks handing control of our emotions to outside events

The waiting is killing me...I have lost every ounce of weight that I had...I want to say that it is almost over but I fear being wrong again.

im scared about making friends too...ive only been in this town for 1 year and i wonder what answers to give when someone asks me if im married and where is my husband..ive lied so many times about it and it feels terrible...he was well known here so those who know him look at me like i have the plague....so i know how u feel

Small minded

Small minded Ppl dont worry about them why do we café so much what o there think of us ....are they around When our hilos need to be paid? Or When you are in need like now ? NO so dont worry about them you got you and support groups

First, thank you for the good wishes you sent. I got to talk to my husband today and your comment on my story had me smiling when he called. <br />
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I had a hard time talking to people about the whole situation when my husband first went to prison. It's difficult to find people that understand what we go through as wives when they have never faced it themselves. But if you have even one good friend that is willing to let you vent your feelings then that's a blessing. And if you ever, ever need someone to talk to or just want to vent and get out some frustration, feel free to message me. I know what it's like and I'm always willing to lend an ear or a shoulder. <br />
<br />
I liked the part in your story about having your husband home to help out around the house. My husband asked me last week what would really turn me on when he comes home and I whispered this answer...<br />
<br />
"Mop my floors." LOL