Can We Make It Forever After He Cheated

I cant believe that noone else has written about this experience yet.  I was hoping to find lots of other women to talk to.  Or men who have done this before.  I will try not to give too many details so that I can remain anonymous.  Here is the short story:  My husband cheated on me.  I found out.  He was sorry.  There were some reasons that I can understand as to why he cheated.  I do not accept those as a good reason though.  I know he had contact with this woman again but has since stopped (supposedly).  We are in marriage counseling together.  He is making every effort possible to make this marriage work.  He is doing everything I ask.  He is doing everything he can to have me trust him again.  I believe he has a history of cheating at different times throughout our marriage.  I know that he loves me.  I think...wait, I KNOW he has issues that he needs to work on and is doing so in seperate counseling too.  I  know that the reason he cheats does not have anything to do with me.  It took me a long time to accept that, but I have.  He has internal issues.  I can elaborate more later if needed. 


I love this man with all of my heart.  If we could take away the cheating for a second....he is the ideal husband and father.  I have never met a more hardworking, caring, intelligent, handsome, giving, charming, man in my life.  I would marry him all over again in a heartbeat.  I have learned alot from him and I know he has learned alot from me.  We both want to grow old together and cherish our family. 


He always has to be number one, the best, top dog that there is.  He does not like to lose.  He is a very strong man on the outside.  I think that when he does whatever he does with other women (flirt, sex, coffee, whatever) that he craves the attention.  Thing is, I give him all of my attention.  I give him everything he needs.  We have a TREMENDOUS sex life.  I honestly understand why he cheated with this woman.  I really do.  I do not want to explain because that is something extremely personal, but I know I had put him through a lot.  (I also know there is no excuse for what he did and should have worked on things with me instead of going the route he did)  Nonetheless, I dont know if I can ever get over the distrust.  He is making every effort possible to ease my fears.  He is living his life as an open book.  I know where he is every second of every day.  He showers me with love.  He goes to counseling twice a week.  Problem is, I still think every single word out of his mouth is a lie. 


I used to think of myself as a strong woman.  I would never let my sisters put up with what I do.  How can I let this happen to me again and again???  I have a real, true love for this man.  I understand all of his faults and all of his weaknesses.  I am not a perfect woman.  I know people can make mistakes.  I know there is a CHANCE that we might just make it for the long run.  Just because the man has issues and has hurt me terribly, does not mean he doesnt love me and does not mean he doesnt want to be with me forever.  I dont know what my issue is really other than I drive myself batty every day with thoughts of what happened, is he lying again, what the heck am I doing???  I am soooo in love with him.  But my eyes are wide open.  I am not some naive little girl who believes in fantasies.  I try to be realistic. 


Anyway, any thoughts?

whatiswronghere whatiswronghere
36-40, F
3 Responses Mar 18, 2009

Still married. Things really are going well. We have been through much more than this problem throughout our marriage. We will persevere and make it through. We make it through everything. We are even thinking about renewing our vows.

I also feel like you wrote my story. How did you get over the other woman? How did you learn to trust him again? Hoe did you get it all out of your head?

i dont know if you have received a comment yet about your issue, but i read your first statement. and i swear, you just told my EXACT same story....its almost like i do not even have to write my own....because i feel its written right here!! i dont know what you did or how it is going since then, as i see this was written in March 2009, but please, whatever has worked for the better or worse please let me know..the only thing we are not doing yet is getting individual counseling..but like you said....i dont trust a word that comes out of his mouth! i mean even a simple word. For instance , i am a very attractive looking woman, many guys would love to talk to me date me, etc etc, so i am secure in my looks, but when HE tells me that i am beautiful or georgeous...**** i dont believe a word he says....all i can think of well if im so ******* georgeous then why were you F---ing her?? ugghhhh! he is doing all the right things, i just dont know what to do....!! help!!

We have a Whole circle of nothing but these stories. <br />
There are some under <br />
Loved someone who didnt love me.