He Really Hates Her

Hello all! I am new on this site but the stories I already read are helping me a lot.

Let me tell you a bit of my story and I hope someone can help me ...

I was married to a nice man, we got 2 daughters, then he started cheating on me (I make this long story a short one) and we got devorced. My girls were 9 and 11 years at that time. I met this man from Cameroon, we started a relationship, I got pregnant, we got married. We lived, all 5 of us, in one house. My husband did not really liked my girls, he did not mix in the family. We we decided to move to an other city, my youngest decided to live with her father.

After we moved, things slowly changed. My daughter is a nice girl, but a little lazy and she can discuss things with me or talk to me about anything. For my husband, those things are a lack of respect, because she is not supposed to discuss with me, she has to do whatever I say and immediately. For me, that has never been the case. So this is difficult.

A few months ago, my husband and my daugther got into an argument, I asked them to stop because we were eating, but they continued and it ended by my girl calling him a name, my husband chasing behind my girl, smashing and ruining the door of her room. I ran after them and pulled him away, out of her room.

It was a very, unpleasant situation. The atmosphere in the house is not good, i am walking on egg-shells all the time. If something happens, everything and every discussion leads to this thing that happened, that she called him this name.

He is not willing to listen to anything i say, he will not go and see a therapist, he is not a talker, in short, if things dont go the way he wants them to go, we are in a fight. I am so tired of this, I am so unhappy. I love him, but I hate this. There is nothing i can do or say to make him change. My child will probably leave for study in about 6 months, but she will be my child for ever and she will always come home.

He says he hates her. What can I do? I feel so misserable.


jacky8 jacky8
41-45, F
6 Responses Jan 19, 2010

First I want to say well done for defending you daughter. That is where many mothers fail. It appears you have a clash of culture. In some cultures Kidd are to obey without complain! I guess your husband is of that school. Keep doing what you are doing and see if you can broker peace between them. I wish you all the wisdom you need to solve this.

This man is trash, he helped to bring her into this world and he must man up and be a decent father and dad.

Thank you all for your support! <br />
@literaturegirl: You are true when you say he is another child in the house. I have been thinking of him in that way many times. But I cannot change is.<br />
@midnight12 aurora: You say that it is my house. Well, if I mention something like that, he will say that it is our house, not my childs house, because we are paying the bills, cleaning the house, etc.<br />
@sassy: therapy all together is not an option. I have asked him to go with me, to talk to a neutral person, but he refuses. I have consulted his sister one time (she lives nearby), my husband got very annoyed that I discussed our business with another person. I just wanted to talk to her to see if it was a "cultural" issue (at that time). So in therapy together is (unfortunately) no option.<br />
@ love4life4ever: he say that he has a good life. If I am unhappy, than I am to blame, it is my problem. He is happy!<br />
He is at the stage that he doesnt speak to her, only via me. He will tell me: tell your child that..... and my daughter is sitting next to me. He ignores her, if I say anything about her, he will say: what has she got to do with me, what is she to me, she is nothing to me... There is no fysical danger, I know that for sure, but if I make dinner, and we are all at home, he will take his plate and sits somewhere else, not with her and me.<br />
If I tell him that his behaviour is not a good example for our sun, he denies and refuses.<br />
She wanted to apologies, he doesnt listen... So, that is it...

My gosh I treat my dog way better than that! He is a disgrace!

bin this man your daughters come first what i would ask was did this man marry you to stay in your country as this goes on a lot.

Well, honestly there something wrong with this picture you need to put your foot down and take hold of this situation before something far worst happens. The first step is exactly what you said family therapist. Or try a family huddle were you give a pad and pencil and write down the real issues there having with each other and then each agree to read aloud with no comment to the other is done and see what changes can be done as a family. This work only if a person agree to try to make some changes. You need to start anew with good healthy family relationship if don't start to communicate and let them know this is hurting you deeply and you insist on a change. I hope you go seek a family therpist don't give up seek help.

Can you picture yourself 20 seconds in your daughters shoes? The nightmare and tense atmosphere can lead to so many things. I understand you love him but no man has a diamond on his penis to scold YOUR daughter my love nonetheless chase her. Here you have a few choices. You can't just send him to therapy, EVERYONE has to go. If he or your daughter refuse you put an ultimatum. Thats not their house its your house. Talk to them individually with firmness.