I Dont Think My Mother Cares

i have made a lot of mistakes in my life and in part i blame my mother for my problems even though i shouldnt. the problem is that i know sometimes they way you were brung up, the values, the method of teaching, made you who you are and i feel like my mom failed at that. Today i told my mom she doesnt care. ive been suffering from anxiety 7 years and even though things have gotten better like i dont take medicine for insomnia anymore i still feel deppressed and suffer from anxiety from things that trigger a tremendous amount of fear. i wouldnt blame her for my problems if it wasnt because my older brother has been suffering kinda from the same as me. we are afraid of relationships and we are afraid of working. i worked for 4 years and i left my job in a really traumatizing way and i dont think i can ever work again my heart tells me not to do anything to get a job. its so sad. but, i think, is it my moms fault? did she do something wrong that both me and my brother are suffering from the same thing? my mom doesnt care that my brother cant work or hasnt had a girlfriend in about more than 10 years, she doesnt care that we dont work either, she never worries about us even though she says she prays for us all the time. i told her i think our problems are not important to her, wouldnt a normal mother be sad? she never is. but that im holding all my anger on her tells me im obviously wrong, but i couldnt help it. i see my moms imperfections reflecting back to me, shes not that smart, even though shes good hearted. i wanted to be smart. smart is better. smart is sexier. smart is more fluent. being smart is everything why is that so hard for ppl to understand. i am not that smart girl i want to dieeeee.
understand444 understand444
22-25, F
Jan 11, 2013