I Have a Love Hate Relationship With My Body

Yeah, That's About Right.

By: DamageCtrl

Written on October 4th, 2009

I know that I've been socialized to think that I am ugly unless I am rail-thin. It's stupid and downright damaging. There are more important things to worry about, of course. It's vain and shallow.

This knowledge doesn't keep me from obssessing about my body on occasion, albeit much less often than I used to...I'm definitely on the thin side by most people's standards, but today I want to lose at least five pounds, maybe ten.

It helps to think of my body as a machine; to evaluate in terms of performance. To think of all the things it can do. To appreciate the fact that it is perfectly functional. Still, can't help but wish that it were more aesthetically pleasing. I look in the mirror and certain parts of me disgust me. Maybe I should judge less and see it for what it is - neither good nor bad.

Still, I want more than "not bad". I'm pretty convinced that I'll be happier if I lose the few pounds, but I probably won't be. I'll find some other source of discontent.

By: DamageCtrl

Age: 18-21 , Female

2,006 people have read this story

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6 responses

Aeko

Models are ugly, you gotta have some curves. And confidence ain't nothin' to do with it, if you're not pretty you're not period.

Apr 17, 2010
1 like
honeysuckle23

Everyone would love to be thin, some of us were just made not to be. Some of us choose not to be, and some of us try really hard but just can't be. Any way you see it, once you learn to accept yourself you are beautiful in everyones eyes.

Oct 5, 2009
1 like
Tekman84

aww I think you should learn to love your body no matter what. If everyone was thin there would be no variation in life or in people. I honestly do not like the thin girls, I tend to be more attracted to ones who are not thin. They all seem to be not to stuck up and more friendly and easy to like. Please please be happy with who and what you are, I am sure you are very pretty! Smile and be happy with yourself and that happiness will glow for other to see

Oct 5, 2009
1 like
windigo433

"I'm pretty convinced that I'll be happier if I lose the few pounds." You won't be, if you are at a healthy weight. You are unsure of your actions that you want to undergo. Any hint of hesitation is a sign, especially when dealing with the self. Don't change yourself, strive for your independent happiness not the happiness of others.

Oct 4, 2009
1 like
Vrai

Leave yourself alone babe. A few pounds is not much. Just eat healthy, exercise enough and try to love yourself. Loving and being who you are will shine through and is far more important than what you weigh. Much love to you xxxxxxx

Oct 4, 2009
2 likes
ShadowofDoubt

{HUGS} you're definitely not alone in this. learn to appreciate other things that makes you beautiful besides your weight. i'm sure if you asked your loved ones about what they think is beautiful about you, weight wouldn't even come up after all. i find that some women that are considered plus size have the most beautiful faces. they're confidence shines through a million times brighter than any size 0 or size 2 model. grow to love yourself more, you're just about there!

Oct 4, 2009
2 likes

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