Yeah, That's About Right.
I know that I've been socialized to think that I am ugly unless I am rail-thin. It's stupid and downright damaging. There are more important things to worry about, of course. It's vain and shallow.
This knowledge doesn't keep me from obssessing about my body on occasion, albeit much less often than I used to...I'm definitely on the thin side by most people's standards, but today I want to lose at least five pounds, maybe ten.
It helps to think of my body as a machine; to evaluate in terms of performance. To think of all the things it can do. To appreciate the fact that it is perfectly functional. Still, can't help but wish that it were more aesthetically pleasing. I look in the mirror and certain parts of me disgust me. Maybe I should judge less and see it for what it is - neither good nor bad.
Still, I want more than "not bad". I'm pretty convinced that I'll be happier if I lose the few pounds, but I probably won't be. I'll find some other source of discontent.