Complex Relationship With...... Myself?

So I'm an 18year old teenager that has just graduated highschool this past june. I've had this weird insane complex relationship with myself for a long time. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I say: "Damnnnn You lookin fine today!!" and I will love the person that I am and how i look. Im soooo confident in those moments and could do anything in the world with no difficulty. Then there are those other days... That are completely opposite of the "Damn you lookin fine" days. I look in the mirror and notice all my flaws and all my insecurities and can not stand to look at myself.

This complex love-hate relationship goes beyond my appearance though. On days that I feel confident I don't feel any remorse or wrong for letting people down? Kinda? I dont know how to describe it. its like i dont feel bad for hurting other ppl unintentionally and intentionally for not being fair or kind to them because im annoyed by them? Its confusing but then on the bad days i feel horrible for things that ive done in my life like hurting those people and also for the experiences ive had in life. I sometimes regret things ive done and hate myself for that but I also love myself for the same experiences... its very odd.

So from this very complex relationship I am sometimes afraid to look in the mirror to see what kinda day I am having.. One of the bad ones or good ones.. But I can usually sense within myself what kinda day it is by how im feeling for others... I am a genuinely kind person but i can be an *** sometimes I guess....... I do not know how to end this so umm Bye! Thanks for Reading? maybe
iwantlovetoo iwantlovetoo
18-21, M
3 Responses Jul 25, 2010

I want to say Good Luck

Hmm tthat is some very insightful information haha I didnt even factor in the hormones part. Thank you for that!! :)

I would like you to know that you are raging with hormones which will fool with your emotions. Don't be so hard on yourself.<br />
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Take one day at a time and try to forgive yourself for mistakes made. That is what life is all about. Move on and take stock of yourself and try to do better.<br />
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I wish you well. Good luck.<br />
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