My Son

My son has bi polar and has been medicated for the past 7 years.  He has been doing fairly well living outside our home the past 2 years.  However when he was home visiting recently I found a pipe in his pockets when doing his laundry.  We've come to find out that he has been smoking dope for the last 6 months as well as nutmeg.  I am stunned since he was always against drugs and was part of the "straight edge" movement.  I am worried and angry and hurt.  I know there are worse drugs but pot is a gateway drug.  I am trying to detach with love, as alanon suggests.  It's hard though.  He is 18 and is free to screw up his life.  I just hope he comes to his senses before he gets addicted to this or any drug.

want2Bhappy want2Bhappy 46-50, F 7 Responses Jan 7, 2009

Your Response


Do not bring him home to live with you, you are not a doctor and will not be able to monitor him 24/7 and you will be welcomin drugs into your home, and you will be putting other family members at risk of having their lives in turmoil, and you will be sending a message to him that his behaviour and choices are ok.

He's need professional help, it's best to keep him in a facility that can provide that help to him. Don't try to be his doctor or psychiartrist, you're not skilled at it and you will screw him up even more. Let the professionals make the decisions that they feel are best for his recovery right now.

Let him know that if/when he ever gets clean and gets proper treatment for his problems and is able to live a normal life without being a danger to others then he may be welcomed home but that right now - home is not an option.

I have a friend of mine whose son was the same way, my friend thought the best thing him and his wife could do would be to keep him at home and watch him, love him back to health, that didn't happen, love can't overcome medical problems. The sons problems destroyed the marriage, broke up the family, destroyed the daughters life, etc. Everyone suffered because of the choices of one son, that is really unfair....and should not be rewarded. We all have to accept responsibility for the choices we make in life, bipolar may not be a choice, but doing drugs, any kind of drugs is a choice, and with his bipolar problems the last thing he needs is more mood altering crap in his body...

I would never aloow it in my home. I would let him know I love him, that I am here for him, that if he ever gets clean and can function in life without drugs and with proper treatment and control for the bipolar that hme may be an option, but that in his current condition he needs to be in a medical facility where he can find the best possible help.

And you don't need to feel guilty about making that choice, this is your home, and you need to protect the sanity and lives of everyone else who lives in the home also, it's not fair that one family member get to create havoc on the lives of other family members, no one person should get that kind of power and control in the family.

There is only so much you as a parent can do, and he has choices to make and if he chooses a path that he knows will resalt in the loss of his relationship with his family then that's the choice he has made and he has to live with the consequences of it.

Young people these days are famous for blaming their parents for everything that goes wrong in their lives, and for putting parents on a guilt trip and making parents feel like they have to sacrifice everything in their own lives, and the lives of the rest of the family for that one individual - not so.

Let him carve his own path in life and you need to accept whatever path he chooes as long as it doesn't destroy your home or your life.

I know nothing about what you're going through, but if my kid were to do any mind altering substance I would rather it be pot than anything else.

how is your son doing now?

He was violent a few years ago due to his bi polar episodes. He was placed in a residential treatment center and then a few months ago a group home. He started drugs a few months ago as well.

We had meeting today and he agreed to go to a drug rehab program for a few months. We are hoping he will be well enough to come back home afterwards.

I agree with newdaydog on this one, he is self-medicating and the issue is not focusing on the drug but what is affecting him that he would need to self-medicate? Another way to look at it is to find out why he is trying to escape.

You speak of violence and chaos, is that due to his drug use?

Thank you. I didn't over re-act. Afterall, I experimented 30 years ago. It's just scary cuz he has a mental illness and is self medicating himself. I don't know if that is dangerous since he is taking 2 other medications plus his asthma medication.

Plus...what's up with smoking nutmeg?

We can't stay quiet. He lives in a group home and is being kicked out because they found out he is using. We have to deal with the state who is funding his placement about what to do next. Do we bring him home to upset our house. We've barely recuperated from the chaos and violence that we lived in day and day out for 5 years. I can't put him out on the street either.

Many important decisions this week.

Pot is not an addictive "drug". Don't buy the hype about gateway drugs. Its all BS. Pot is a mood altering drug however and he may be self medicating ... not usually a good idea. Just because he's 18 there's no reason for you to stay quiet about this. Just don't go on a rant about the "evils" of pot. Perhaps his meds need to be revised.