Always Have

Even as a kid I didn't think I was good enough. Maybe it was the parents? Maybe society? Who knows...

I do remember being in about the 5th grade and at a pool. I stood on the end of the diving board and so wanted to jump in but that meant taking my hands from across my mid section. I wasn't a big kid by any means, very active and an excellent swimmer and diver. I just couldn't get past the thought that every one might be staring at me and my tummy.

My mother was a walking, petite, stick figure with fake breasts and always wore a bikini... maybe because I didn't look like her? Who knows the reason behind it I just look back and think how pathetic.

mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality
36-40, F
3 Responses Mar 22, 2009

rofl @ mowing the lawn in your bikini. i wish more girls would do that

honestly i just don't care if people are staring. As long as i am having fun and enjoying myself. You can't walk right up to everyone and ask them if how they think of you. Your the only person who knows whats going on in your head.

Eventually I jumped but pretty sure it was the only jump. It's a shame that I had those feelings so young but remember them well. I could have been much more had it not been for that. I wanted to join the swim and dive team so badly but wouldn't put that suit on in front of my peers. <br />
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Of course eventually I developed that I don't give a crap attitude and started mowing the lawn in my bikini (late high school years). Depends on the mood I guess.