Ungrateful Mean Daughter

I have a 31 year old daughter that lived with me until two years ago when she met this jerk at a redneck bar. She had always been a "good daughter" and then she started to change.  She wanted to take off with him but they then decided to get married. I gave her a wedding (I'm a single mom) the best I could give her; and it was really nice.  She received a lot of presents and the family came from out of town for the event.  The night of the wedding the "groom" said that some of the cash they had received was stolen.  I could not believe that; I know now he probably took it; he uses drugs.  Then the marriage license "got lost" it was never filed in the court so they are not legally married because of that.

Two months after, I went out of town; they came into my house and took the title to one of the cars and pawned it for almost $5000.  First experience for me, I rescued the car!  then they totalled it.  He starated taking my daughter from apt to apt skipping the rent, I helped them once or twice.  He then totalled the second car that was bought with the insurance money from the first one.  I then found out he was leaving her alone almost evey night using her car but she would not tell me anything. He then got mad at me because I started to question all that behaviour and took off with my daughter to his mother's house (he is 36) got her pregnant.  By then I was almost losing my mind, we are not like that at all.  I convinced her to move back with me and she came during the pregnancy.  I bought everything for the baby, we  had the hospital ready, and everything that she needed.  One month before the baby was due he called her and said they (mom and him) wanted to take her shopping for the baby.  She was all excited and left with them; I was terrified and for sure she did not come back.  One week later the baby was born one month premature.  I was left with everything for the baby and when I asked her what was I supposed to do she told me to give it to goodwill along with her clothes that she also left behind.

We have been insulted by this people, they have kicked us out of their house once we tried to talk to them, robbed, I have hired private investigators, talked to detectives, officers, attorneys, judges (I work in the legal field) and because she is an adult nobody can help.  We cannot see the baby, when I call they won't answer most of the time and they do or she does she is rude, angry, disrespectful, and hangs up on me. She had her sister be the baby's godmother and now she won't allow her to see the baby.  My 81 year old mother has tried to talk to her and the same thing.

Everybody tells me not to call her anymore and I can do that for a certain amount of time but then I get a lot of anxiety about her and the baby's safety, I miss her, I feel betrayed, I wish I could say something that would make her change and be part of us again so I call her.  Mothers would understand this.  And then she treats me like that and I end up crying, desperate, depressed.  There has been a lot more to this story, horrible things.  He uses drugs, does not work, lives with his mother who condones all this behaviour and probably tells my daughter things against me.  They all came to the wedding! and then they changed and started acting this way.  I don't understand anything that has happened. My daughter has learning disabilities and for that reason I sometimes want to excuse or explain her behaviour or maybe think that they are holding her but when I talk to her briefly on the phone she does not sound like that is the case.   Has anyone been in a situation like this? What are we supposed to do?  I know, I do pray, I leave it to God, but it is so hard.  Maybe connecting with other people with similar experiences would help.

cantgoon cantgoon
56-60, F
8 Responses Dec 13, 2009

I thank god at this time only have a 16 year old and the behavior is prevelent. At times I think this is what I will be looking forward to if not going completely in debt. But in the back of my mind, is running as far away from the headache i can get. So, with you situation. Maybe just staying out of it... Let her deal with her own life and whether or not your partaking in it would be good or not. I'd go on with my own life. Save a few bucks and when her drug addict boyfriend decides to swindle her and your wallet for a few bucks.That is when you strike his sorry *** like a viper and get rid of him. Slap him with custody papers and a restraining order . That will allow the time for you or her to gather what you need to better yourselves . If she is is dumb enough to going back to him, let her deal with it. You have done what you felt was good in your heart. The integrity is there.So, you aren't doing anything out of normal. But, definitely stop feeding into those two adults and their problems. It will make it worse for you and they will keep feeding into that. Make them find you.

There is lots you can do about this. 1. Call child protective services and tell them that your grandchild is in a home where drug use is taking place. 2. Tell him the child is in danger since you suspect your daughter is also engaging in drug use. Just cause she didn't use drugs growing up doesn't mean she isn't using now. 3. Call the police and have them do a "safety check" periodically to see about the welfare of the baby and your daughter. The police officers will know what to look for and report back to you and child protective services if needed. 4. Engage all your friends and family to spy on your daughter; yes, spy. This is not a fatal attraction type of spying it is to save her life. Many times we as mothers give up only to see a story of our children dead on the news. Don't be that mother, be the best advocate your daughter can have on her side. If you get reports of your daughter being unstable, have her committed to a facility where she can get good meds and great counseling. Remember she is not legally married and that dude has no legal say so over your daughter. Good luck sweetie and keep at<br />

Talk about the never ending story of nightmares!

I know how u feel ! I have an adopted son at birth that had two big sisters when we brought home. He was so loved by a wonderful family with two sisters he had three moms. He was give a wonderful life. His father was the best. Loved his little man and his best buddy. He had behavior problems all thur school and home but we walk beside him all the way. Took him to drs. On meds. Gave him the world and as he got older he cussed me his mother all the time. I was abused verbally and my heart broke every time. Got a girl pregnant at 19yrs. A little girl that is 9yrs. Now. She lives in my town and her mother. We love her dearly but has to pay everything all her clothes,TV,food and we have really have raised. No support from father he left town married a horrible woman having a baby said he disowns the whole family can,t see my new grandson wife is mean to his daughter which breaks our hearts his wife is controlling disrespectful, rude hangs up on us and gave him choice his family or hers. He has cussed all of us after she twisted everything we say to make him more angry making up lies we never said. When we went to his wedding none of her family spoke to us.Lost my son & my grandson. Gave new crib everything that goes with it payed alot of their bills beg to be family all welcomed her with open arms though it all. She is a brat and we haved to walk on eggshells still not speaking and text to forget his phone number from his phone. Afraid to contact for I set myself for a world of hurt. We have tried everything we lost all hope whole family an does not understand.I miss him something horrible so tierd of crying. With a heavy heart. Lost my sister,brother , aunt , mom in 9months . Just need to get all this out. How can he hurt me with all he knows I lost. His mom

That is so sad! You did so well by her! all I can say is my parents treated me like a disposable diaper and I wish my mom had been a bit more like you in certain ways. Thanks for leaving your thoughts an feelings here, in a place were others can learn from your experience!

I am in the same situation, I have a very ungratefule daughter. She wanted to get married at 16, so I let her and gave her a small decent wedding, she moved in wth her in laws and that did not last. She ended up not liking living there, becuause she had a very medling mother in law. She continued to hang around with this girl who has been bad influence and a thorn in my butt since she met her at 12 years old. The girl comes from a broken home and talked down to her mother so my daughter picked that up and she treats my husband and I like dirt. I have paid for her DUI, taken her and my granddaughter back into my home for the third time. I paid for her divorce and even gave her my car after she demolished one of my other cars. (What an idiot I am). She is back with her EX, and whatever he says is gold. Whatever I say or her dad says is trash. I finally had to tell her to get out of my house and go live with her Ex in laws again, I cannot not take her swearing at me calling her own mother a FN B. That was the last straw. My husband misses her and my granddaugther I do not miss her being her being so ungratful after all my husband and I have done for her. We suppot her and and our granddaughter, they have everything they want in this house, babysitter and all. She has been treated like a princess all of her life. Well its over. She is on her own. She will never call me or my husband a nasty name again. Don't worry about your daugther, she chose her bed now let her sleep in it. You need to get on with your life. Yes, you will always worry about your children, but just leave them in God's hands he will take care of them. He knows what is best for them, he is the almighty and he can do what you and I can't. Don't feel bad, you have been a good mom and done all you could for her. I have done the same for my daughter and now I am done. Seh is on her own Good Luck to her with her Exes.

So , so sorry mum...I'm a mum and a daughter , who had my mum leave our family when I was 13 , but I have always loved her , and understand why she left. she is still my mummy , I still call her that , and I just wish I could give you a great big hug and tell you on behalf of your daughter that I love you. She does love you , she's lost her way is all. She will realize this.

Bless you with peace. Dear your searching for meaning to things that you truly have no control over. Honestly you're never going to be able to grasp the meaning to the situation that you are currently faced with. Please try to find your "zen" place. A place of peace within yourself, a sense of escapism from all your worries. YOur mind is tired from running the marathon with all these negative thoughts and wanting to know, why this, why that, the list goes on. CHeck this guy out, a spiritual teacher, Eckhart Tolle's, and his books "A New Earth, and "the Power of Now". Get cheap online or drop by library if funds are tight. Def. read both books, seriously!!!!!!! Peace be with you!