Mean Sisters Won't Change

When my mother died at home after several years of taking turns in helping care for her, the first thing that my oldest sister did was point out how my sister-in-law had "been there day and night". That happened on the day my mother died, to my family it seemed very important that we all see my mother's dead body-a sight I have still not fully recovered from. My partner's words to me were "She (your sister) is a mean lady" and he never talks like that. Being one of 3 sisters and the middle one- I always felt left out by them. They have planned trips with every sibling but not included me-when I asked why- one sister said "I never even gave it a thought". I consider myself a healthy person emotionally so I have a life outside of my sisters but I do always envy people whose sisters are their friends. The oldest sister is mean and the youngest sister has made it clear that she has plenty of friends. Favoritism is rampant among my siblings. Sometimes I imagine them regretting not being good sisters to me but I know that is not going to happen. I have let go of the idea that they will change.
maryjbelle maryjbelle
9 Responses Apr 4, 2011

That's happening to me now but my sister loves me but never shows it and I asked her why she is mean also and she said because I'm annoying

A new change in this story of life experience. I will write of the tragic, heart wrenching,life changing thing that befell me in the past month in another story. Guess what? My younger sister has been there for me and I reached out to her and a sister in law. Recently I went out to eat with the siblings and I saw the good. Sometime it is easy to say what you believe but so hard to do. Recently through this horrible twist of fate (for my partner) i have rediscovered my family and my faith. Life is a journey-thanks for reading.

Not everyone deserves a front-row seat in your life. Put them in the balcony.

eldest sisters are the most egotistic and the most arrogant. I got one too that is the most hateful.

I have been learning that if you don't have the family you want, you can create it. I am doing that with my sons, my spouse and my grandaughter. We have our own holiday celebrations and family vacations. Still the "family" that plays favorites has handed it down to cousins etc and so I hear the updates on FB such as my sister's daughter getting married. Funny how it turned out but I just keep telling myself it was their loss.

I havent spoke to my sister in 3 years. She does not want me in her life. I never saw this coming but I did sense the lack of caring over the years. and favoritism by the parents. they made her this way. it is so sad. Im sorry for your pain. I wish you healing. My parents have sided with her even though they said I did nothing to deserve this.The pain was unbearable but w/ professional help I am living MY LIFE!! :) finally I am free of their BULL! Good luck! You can rise above this :) HUGS!!!

Sometimes people are just mean. I have a very mean spirited sister. It has taken me many years to come to terms with it, but now at almost 60 years old, I have realized that just because she is my sister I don't have to like her. <br />
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If we were not sisters, we would not be friends.

Thanks for your thoughtful response-it made me feel more normal. I am definitely going to look for those books.

Sweetheart, that is the way it IS!!! I've read a LOT about birth order, and from what I've seen with my friend's mothers and aunts, this is generally the case. The older one is bossy, the youngest is spoiled, and the middle one . . . It varies, but basically, yeah--they feel left out, ignored, lost in the shuffle, etc. I even read Nancy Friday's books "My Mother/My Self" and "Jealousy" on the topic, "Jealousy" being the most interesting. Friday has a chapter titled "Three Little Girls Can't Play Together." Her and her sister had a very interesting relationship and were stealing each other's boyfriends at 13. J.K.Rowling also picked up on this common dynamic and includes snippets of it in her characters with the Black sisters, Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa in Harry Potter. (Sorry, but I'm obsessed with Harry Potter.) Where the favoritism runs rampant, it goes from bad to ugly! But their family. You'll always love them.