Stuck In The Middle Of Crazy

I am not sure how I pulled the longer straw when it came to mental health in my family. And if being the middle child wasn’t bad enough, my younger sibling (my brother) suffers from NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder to the point that my parents considered taking out a restraining order against him but only changed the locks so that they could continue to see their granddaughter. He threatened their lives. My older sister (who is the only one that communicates with my brother until he starts getting treatment) suffers from Narcissistic Rage.

I am sharing my latest episode so that I can get some support, since I really don't want to air my dirty laundry to other family members and friends. Also, I want others to know that they are not alone. Btw, my sister has had many episodes of jealousy including making an *** of herself at my wedding over 10 years ago. Guess I should have distanced myself then, but I love her and that is blinding.

Here is the long straw that broke this camel's back:

My sister’s latest rage is over me being upset that she didn’t tell me that our 83-year-old Grandmother had broken her hip, spent time in the ICU and ended up landing in a nice nursing home. Which thankfully, is where she is getting care now. Instead, she spent that week or longer (while I shared concerns about being unable to reach Grandma and making plans to see her over Thanksgiving) letting me know that she has decided to take up every hobby that I have been involved for over 20 years such as running and writing. Both passions in which I have excelled and became my career. Don't worry, she has never finished anything in her life except for a sentence where she is trying to make me feel awful.

After failing to reach my Grandmother for more than a week so that we could make arrangements to see her for Thanksgiving, me and my parents became very concerned. FYI: I live 500 miles from my Grandmother, my parents live 20 miles from her and my sister lives 1,600 miles from her. I don't call my Grandmother every other day like my sister does, but I DO call her every couple of weeks and visit her at least five times a year. My sister on the other hand, hasn't been to our Grandmother's house in 10 years or more.

Naturally, when I finally found out what was going on, I called my sister and asked her how in the world she wanted me to find out. Was I supposed to drive up to Grandma's darkened home and follow the breadcrumbs to the hospital? From there, the rest is a blur. She "RAGED" calling me everything but a child of God. I was dead silent on the other end of the phone. After being called a bully (an irony) while being bullied and even the "c" word, I hung up on her. I just couldn't take any more abuse, it's just too exhausting. This isn't the first time that she has called me horrid names that should be off-limits to even your worst enemies.

People with Narcissistic disorders hate being at fault or worse.. being wrong. This is their fear and they tend to use all of their energy to turn it around on you. Even when there is no possible way to turn.

She has since told me that I am quote: "dead to her." And that I should never contact her again. Ever. Now, most people would take this to heart but she pulls this crap all the time. It's her new favorite "go for the jugular" line. She used it last year on our Dad after his mother had died and he was upset. Apparently, he wasn't giving her enough attention. Dad still talks to her. It's sad because it will never be enough for her, and with my recent decision to step away from her crazy antics, her abuse will turn to Pop.

Anywho, thanks for listening and just know that you are not alone in the world of mean older sisters and siblings.

Wishing you a peaceful holiday season.

UCantFixCrazy UCantFixCrazy
36-40, F
1 Response Dec 13, 2012

Hi,
I am sorry about your relationship with your sister, and I am certainly not defending her behavior, just try to keep in mind that she can't control her rages and when she has them just try to calm her down rather than taking what she says personally. Speaking as an older sibling I just thought you might want to hear about the other side, if you don't you don't have to bother reading this. As an older sibling I love my little brother with all my heart, although he does get on my nerves. He gets really annoying and when he does sometimes I'll say something like "you can't keep your moth shut for five minutes can you?" jokingly and we both laugh. But I would never say anything purposely hurtful. When I do say something like this that really does hurt his feelings I never know i have and I apologize immediately. Although some siblings are not like this, they might not know they have said something hurtful. In your case the best thing to do is to try to build a stronger relationship with your sister, and try to calm her when she gets into one of these rages. Never takes what she says personally, and try to remember to say things more gently as not to send her into a rage.

Good Luck