Upside DownHi my name is Kathlene and I am writing to share my story or I should say journey with Bi-Polar disorder. When I was 15 I started showing signs and symptoms. I knew something was wrong but everybody in my life thought I was just being rebellious. Because of this disorder I haven't been able to finish anything. That includes relationships, being a mom, work. I have only been able to keep a job for as long as 2 years. I have been married 4 times, the longest marriage was 7 years, work I have only been able to accumulate 2 years at one job. Because of my disorder my children left when they were adolescents. I am now almost 51 and I am trying to pick up the pieces. My doctor has decided to put me back on lithium and serequel, it seems to be working, I am actually seeking employment. I have been on disability since 1997, I just haven't been able to work. Since the year 1990 when I first went into treatment for alcohol dependence, I've been in and out of several mental hospitals. I have had ECT treatments, and I have been in several state hospitals. I should say they were not pleasant experiences. I also have been in jail 4 times, my longest stint was for 25 days of hell. I now have been out of the hospital for 8 months, that's quite a fete for me. My children are now grown and we seem to be mending fences. I must say that my family does not trust me, it's like they are waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have attempted suicide several times and almost succeeded once. I do not like my life and I feel like a failure. I live alone now because I can't tolerate living with others and they can't tolerate me. I have a strong sense of God and worship him on a daily basis and I give glory to his Son Jesus Christ. Sometimes I don't understand why I am here or alive, I don't seem to contribute anything to society. I am not happy with this disorder, but I have to live with it and carry on. Everyday is a challenge but I persevere. I will continue on day by day and stay mindful of my recovery. Hey!!! Thanks for listening, whoever you are.
hensonkathlene 51-55, F 4 Responses 0 Jul 30, 2010